Irma Pickens, RIP

Irma Pickens, wife of Willie Pickens a renowned Chicago jazz musician, passed in October. This story was written about her in July 2009.

The Way to Pray

Last Saturday we were at the Wagner Farm in Glenview attending the surprise 70th birthday party for our friend George. There were about one hundred guests congregated inside the barn for drinks and appetizers; the latter being popcorn boxes filled with popcorn, peanuts, or pretzels served from a farm cart pushed by two of George’s grandsons. Outside on the lawn ten or so, round, red clothed, flower pot decorated, white chaired tables were set, ready for dinner.

Until now the sky had been clear, the wind mild, the temperature comfortable, the weather perfect. Gregory and I were at the field end of the farm visiting the cows, and sheep, and goats. I was taking close up pictures of one beautifully groomed cow, when she suddenly “nosed” my camera.” It was an intimate, wet moment after which the cow let me pet her. Gregory and I laughed. Slowly thunder clouds gathered and things turned dark. The sky didn’t look like an ‘it'll blow over’ situation. “What a shame for this to happen,” I thought. As the first few drops of rain began to fall, we headed back for the barn.

Under a porch roof, just outside the barn sat a row of white rocking chairs. Sitting on one of the rockers was Irma, one of George’s friends, also celebrating her birthday on that very day. She was sitting next to her husband Willy, an educator, talented musician, and all around easy guy. Irma looked up at the dark clouds and said in a commanding voice while strongly pointing her finger at the ground , “Lord, we need a miracle here!” Shortly thereafter the sky cleared with no more than a few drops of rain having spotted the table cloths.

Now that is the way to pray. No begging, no pleading, no negotiating, no promises of behavior changes. Just a firm statement to your lord of what was needed. She didn’t point at the heavens in a demanding or accusing way. She pointed at the ground where we were gathered in celebration, to clarify the location of the needed miracle. She spoke her mind. And the clouds blew over, and only a few drops of rain fell, and the evening was a great success.

Now whether you believe in miracles or not, this might have been one!

A Room Full of Grief

Praying in groups, what is that all about? This post will take a brief look at Judaism, Catholicism, Christianity, and Buddhism and think about group prayer.

It was the firm belief of the Jewish sages that wherever ten Israelites are assembled, either for worship or for the study of the Law, the Divine Presence dwells among them. In rabbinical literature, those who meet for study or prayer in smaller groups, even one who meditates or prays alone, are to be praised, however, the stress is put upon the merits and sacredness of the minyan of ten and the ten must be men or boys who are Bar Mitzvah, women and girls do not count.

In Catholicism, it is believed that His mighty workings increase exponentially and His purposes are accelerated when people pray together. This message is not given to minimize personal prayer, instead, it is to show that personal prayer alone will not result in the working of God to the degree needed for spiritual transformation in people's lives, churches, cities, and nation.

Group prayer among all Christians is important and rewarding, devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer together.

Buddhist thoughts includes three gems: Buddha - the historical Buddha and one's own potential for awakening, Dharma - the teachings of the Buddha; the truth of the way things are, and Sangha - the community

The Sangha, or community, generally refers to the fourfold community of monks, nuns, men and women lay followers. Monks and nuns are respected for their good conduct and for their experience in meditation. They are also respected for their diligence, mindfulness and calmness. Wise and learned, they are able teachers of the Dharma. They can also be like trusted friends inspiring the lay followers along the path of Good Conduct.

Prayer itself can mean different things to different people. It can mean having reverence for a God, talking outloud or silently to oneself, having a personal experience with a God or having that experience through a priest or guru. It can be being grateful for what one has, begin grateful in advance for what one is asking for.

It can for some be bargaining, begging, and pleading for change or for better or for the fulfilling of a lack. It can mean getting quiet, calming the "voices in the mind," or distracting oneself.

This brings me to the topic of my post: A Room Full of Grief. You may have read on my other blog that I am involved in a Yoga Class on Grieving and Loss with my "Guru," teacher Corinne Peterson. I have taken a number of classes with her and when I heard she was doing this one I signed up last, I believe, August.

I wanted to spend some time with Corinne to recharge my meditation practice and knew that in many ways I have been grieving Gregory' Dementia  Alzheimer's for the last twelve years since the diagnosis.

Gregory and I have lived well and made the most of our journey but never the less, it has been a slow loss and slow grieving process. Little did I know that shortly before the class was to begin, Gregory would die.

The class has twelve members plus the teacher and has met for two hours every Monday for the last ten weeks. At the first class we shared a little, if we wanted to, about why we decided to take the class. Then we do stretching and movements and finish up with a quiet meditation practice.

A number of realizations have taken place in these sessions. First, I am not alone in grieving. I think when one is in the middle of grief, it is easy to forget that so many others out there are grieving and suffering loss as well. Next it was nice to be able to share with total strangers, a little about how I was feeling and grieving.

In addition no one was telling me to get over my grief, or calling me "poor you," or trying to "make it all better!" As people told their stories I could feel empathy for them even as I was feeling emotional myself. I could see that each of us was dealing with various levels of grief but there was really no hierarchy or evaluating whose grief was greater or lesser.

I could feel the heaviness of grief and loss in the room as the session began and I could feel it slowly dissipate for everyone including myself as we were able to focus our practice, awareness, time, and thoughts more on breath, movement, body, chantings, candle light and less on the weight of our grief.

No doubt the grief, loss, sorrow, emotions would return but hopefully with less wallop and it was nice to have the grief at bay for at least a few hours.

At the end of each session I felt lighter, more in control of my emotions as well as more able to let my emotions ride when I needed them to but not to feel out of control or hysterical.

So maybe this has shown me that there is some strength in groups and community and sharing with fellow humankind even if it is in a room full of grief.

I will need to continue my grieving, I know that it will jump out at me when little expected, but I can also get on with my life without Gregory and feel in good place, as he is now in a more comfortable place than he was while dealing with the slow decline cognitively and physically with Dementia/ Alzheimer's.

(The information about religious groups was taken in part from Google and in part in my own words.)

UNITY World Prayer Day - September 10, 2015

I always say I do not pray. I certainly do not bargain or beg or promise. But I do contemplate my behavior, my actions, my wishes and desires; and when I am unhappy with them attempt to change them. Maybe that is what you call prayer. Maybe it is a question of semantics.

I won't even go into "Is there a God?" Lets just say that I respect you calling him/her what you want. I always say I do not believe in God but I do believe that there is something greater than I could ever hope to understand that somehow exists "so far out there" or "so deep inside" that helps govern our world, our lives, our selves.

I believe in meditation. I believe in quieting myself from the daily rigors and activities and craziness of each day and night.

I believe in doing good for those who need our support or help. I believe in lending an ear to someone who needs to talk. I believe in doing something for someone who cannot do it for them-self. I believe in holding someone's hand and sitting together silently.

I believe in doing what I can to help relieve suffering and pain; in myself, in my family and friends, in my community, in my world.

I believe that we, as individuals, by our beliefs and actions can change the world into a better place for everyone who lives here with us.

Then something like UNITY's World Prayer Day occurs and I feel good about it. UNITY is a positive religion that embraces most beliefs. Unity has people and centers that spend their time praying for others and their needs.

Maybe just that outpouring of energy can make a difference, maybe just the good feelings that occur inside a person when thinking and/or believing that this is possible can make a difference, maybe you and I can make a difference.

Here is more information about UNITY's World Prayer Day. Each link opens in a new window.

Click here for the Unity Site
Click here to learn more about World Prayer Day
Click here to light a candle for World Prayer Day
Click here to add names to the World Prayer Day list

Hunan Star

There is a little hole in the all Chinese carry out place on the way home between Gregory at Lieberman and the condo. When I leave Gregory, I call from the car and my order is ready to pick up as I pass.

The place is clean but old, gently used, and not too attractive. Overgrown plants in odd assortments of ceramic Chinese pots line the counter edge and part of the shelves in the windows.

While there are three stools at each window shelf, I've never seen anyone eating there. Same for the table with four chairs tucked into a corner.

Today a Black man was sitting at the table. Amy, the owner / order taker / cashier delivered to him, reaching over the cash register; a plastic fork, napkin, and paper plate loaded with fried rice.

In this atmosphere of neglect, necessity, and crowdedness the man bowed his head and mumbled a prayer over his food before he began eating.

It caused me to stop for a minute to think about how often I gobble down a meal or a snack; an order of fried rice; and don't give a thought of thanks for how the meal got to me.

The sky, the clouds, the sun, the rain, the earth, the farm.

The people involved in growing the food, processing the food, packaging the food, selling the food, and transporting the food to market.

The restaurant owners who purchased the food, prepared the food, cooked the food, and served the food.

Now bring to the table the suffering, sorrow, joy, and happiness of all those people involved. Think of them getting up every day, going to work, finishing a day, and going home to their families.

Think of all the trials and tribulations, positive and negative, of what these people go through at work,  at home, in their lives, in their homes, with their families, with their health.

What a lot I have to be grateful for and what a lot of people have been involved in providing my sustenance. I should stop and think of them and thank them more often.

Like the Black man did for a few moments when he bowed his head and prayed over his fried rice.

On FInding God: The Quinternity

On Finding God

December 2, 2009

“One of the main functions of formalized religion is to protect people against a direct experience of God.” 

C.G. Jung

The Past

I have always, until recently, avoided following a given religion or believing in God. I was raised Jewish, was Bar Mitzvahed, and certainly enjoy the traditions, stories, and foods of the Jewish Holidays. 

Judaism, however, based on what might be my limited study has never given me a feeling of peace or an understanding of why life unfolds as it does. It has not given me a “personal GOD” or a “direct experience with GOD.” It certainly has provided me with “questions” but certainly not the “answers” I am looking for.

I have some knowledge of the great religions of the world and not one feels any closer to meeting my needs, although I do appreciate the traditions, stories, and foods of many of those holidays as well. 

I have always said that I have Faith, but am not sure of Faith in what. I have always admired and envied people who could feel a personal GOD (recently I have been searching,) who could Believe (but in what,) who could find solace in Prayers (I don’t.) I have always described myself as a Spiritual Person not a Religious Person and while this has given me a way of explaining myself and my moral behavior, it hasn’t given me much Peace of Mind.

Being Gay doesn’t help. How can one believe in a religion which professes that we “Love Thy Neighbor” and then denies my love. How can any religion say they are all accepting and then not accept my life as I have inherited it and/or chosen it? How can any religion say I am OK as I am, as long as I do not practice who I am? But that is a topic for future discussion!

The Quest

Recently I have been studying this GOD conundrum. With my current, difficult life situation acting as a catalyst in my “Search for God,” I have sought a way to find peace, contentment, guidance, and quite honestly just a way to get outside of myself, my fears, my sadness, and my pain. I cannot imagine seeking drugs or alcohol to do so and have never been a person who buries his head in the sand or enjoys denial. So where do I go? Where do I turn?

In my recent studies, I have read the “Bible” (Old and New Testament,) “How to Practice The Way to a Meaningful Life” by the Dalai Lama, “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, “There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem” by Wayne Dyer, “The Evolution of God” by Robert Wright, among others. I have had deep conversations with my Jungian therapist/psychologist Dr. Peter Demuth. I have drifted off to sleep thinking about my dilemma, my search. I have talked with friends. I have become more aware of similar “searches” in the fiction reading I have done and in the movies I have watched.

While my studies have not yet given me the Peace I am looking for, I believe I am getting closer. I think I have been able to condense what I have gained from all of these studies combined with my life experiences and have begun to see a common thread. I suspect that all of them have assisted me in being closer to obtaining Peace and eventually I will be able to say:

“I HAVE FOUND GOD!”

The Present

A breakthrough came when I entertained the possibility that there could be a SPIRITUAL GOD. Until now I have thought only of GOD in terms of the various formal religions and couldn’t find a fit for myself with this RELIGIOUS GOD. I therefore dismissed any GOD. But perhaps there is, instead, a SPIRITUAL GOD. And perhaps I have found him, or her, or that greater entity!

Even with this new awareness of the possibility of a SPIRITUAL GOD, but based on past history, I must work on not visualizing a white bearded old man who is benevolent or judging or punishing. I try not to visualize a young, good looking teacher with golden flowing hair. Or a Buddha? Or Allah? I must still work at not assuming the word GOD belongs to any particular formal religion. I continue to work at not accepting the Bible as GOD’s law, cannot accept words like Sin or Evil or Ten Commandments (in principal yes but not having been handed down on clay tablets,) and certainly cannot understand killing others in the name of GOD.

On the RELIGIOUS GOD’s side, formal religions vary. Catholicism has the Trinity: Father, Son, Holy Spirit (formerly The Holy Ghost.) Hinduism has the Brahman and his many representations in the form of deities. Islam and Judiasm have One God. Buddhism does not deny the existence of god but rejects subservience to any kind to a supreme God. 

Prayer to the RELIGIOUS GOD, for most people, seems to consist of begging or bargaining or pleading and reciting rote materials which look for, praise, or give thanks for an external existence and/or intervention. While praying at home is acceptable, going to a house of worship where one can “talk” with GOD, seems to get greater results and in some religions, the only place to get results.

NOW FOR THE EPIPHANY. “I’ll take curtain number 3 please”

epiphany |iˈpifənē|

noun ( pl. -nies) (also Epiphany)

the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi (Matthew 2:1–12).

1) the festival commemorating this on January 6.

2) a manifestation of a divine or supernatural being.

3)  a moment of sudden revelation or insight.

On the SPIRITUAL GOD’s side, I have found GOD to be a personal ... STATE OF MIND ... not an external entity. With a SPIRITUAL GOD, I have discovered that instead of a Trinity, or a “One God,” and closer to Buddhism’s lack of a Supreme God, for me a Quinternity exists. The QUINTERNITY of GOD as a STATE OF MIND includes: 1) Truth 2) Love, 3) Forgiveness, 4) Peace, and 5) Faith.

The five parts of the QUINTERNITY are related to and build on each other. This QUINTERNITY exists internally, has to do with how I think, and is part of my moral behavior. It does not exist externally, outside of me in a god, a heaven (and certainly not in Hell.) 

Also I have found SPIRITUAL PRAYER to be a STATE OF MIND that exists internally and reflects my understanding of the five parts of the Quinternity which are the basic principals which guide my life, my thoughts, my actions. Spiritual Prayer consists of meditating on these principals, drawing on them when needed, and in making them part of my daily life. I call this mediation THE GOD TEST of a situation.

The QUINTERNITY of the SPIRITUAL GOD as a STATE OF MIND

TRUTH: Behind every situation (action, event, thought, feeling, illness, response, etc) there is a Truth as to why it is happening or why it has happened. I believe that when one looks for, is aware of, and understands the “Truth in It,” one is better able to accept and deal positively with any situation. I also believe that merely by being aware that a Truth exists, even thought one may not understand the Truth itself (or that a particular Truth has been lost forever but at one time did exist,) one is better able to accept and deal positively with the situation. To me, GOD is the STATE OF MIND behind looking for the Truth in each situation.

LOVE: When you deal with each situation and approach every aspect of your life with Love for others and Love for yourself, you are acknowledging that we all come from and are part of the same Source. We all share similar experiences with differing levels of understanding of the Truth behind those experiences but in one way or another, we all share being alive. To me, GOD is the STATE OF MIND behind Love of self and others.

FORGIVENESS: When you acknowledge that everyone is somewhere along the continuum of awareness and understanding of Truth and Love; you realize that differences, conflicts, and negativity will arise. Forgiveness of others is the ability to realize that these differences, conflicts, and negativity are not personally directed at you and are not indicative of a failure on the part of others. Forgiveness of self is the ability to realize that these differences, conflicts, and negativity should not be blamed on others and are not indicative of a failure on your part. Forgiveness is the ability to move on. Forgiveness allows you to hold on to Truth and Love. To me, GOD is the STATE OF MIND behind Forgiveness of self and others.

PEACE: By always looking for the Truth behind the seemingly uncomfortable and difficult day to day occurrences in your life, by affirming with gratitude the Truth behind the seemingly pleasant and easy day to day occurrences in your life, and by doing so with Love and Forgiveness, conflict and negativity will be minimal or nonexistent. The feeling that comes with this state of being I call Peace. To me, GOD is the STATE OF MIND behind being at Peace.

FAITH: Having Faith allows you to hold on to the understanding that as life unfolds, through its joys and sorrows: (1) Truth exits even if it is not visible, (2) Love allows you to show respect and understanding for yourself and others, (3) Forgiveness allows each of us to be at our unique place on the continuum of Truth, Love, and Forgiveness, (4) Peace will be yours with these realizations, and (5) Faith will help you hold on to these understandings and help you live your life in a way that will allow you to find a Spiritual GOD, your personal GOD, the GOD within you, the GOD who is you, and to have a direct experience with GOD.

Breakfast with Buddha

From Breakfast with Buddha by Roland Merullo.

"Here is Buddhist prayer," he said, and he rolled off a few sentences, "All that we are is the result of what we have thought: It is built on our thoughts, it is made from our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with evil thought, pain follows him, just like the wheels followed the foot of the ox that draws the cart. If a person speaks or acts with pure thought, happiness follows him. like a shadow that never leaves." 

The Way to Pray

A while back, we were at the Wagner Farm in Glenview attending the surprise 70th birthday party for our friend George. There were about one hundred guests congregated inside the barn for drinks and appetizers; the latter being popcorn boxes filled with popcorn, peanuts, or pretzels served from a farm cart pushed by two of George’s grandsons. Outside on the lawn ten or so, round, red clothed, flower pot decorated, white chaired tables were set, ready for dinner.

Until now the sky had been clear, the wind mild, the temperature comfortable, the weather perfect. Gregory and I were at the field end of the farm visiting the cows, and sheep, and goats. I was taking close up pictures of one beautifully groomed cow, when she suddenly “nosed” my camera.” It was an intimate, wet moment after which the cow let me pet her. Gregory and I laughed. Slowly thunder clouds gathered and things turned dark. The sky didn’t look like an ‘it'll blow over’ situation. “What a shame for this to happen,” I thought. As the first few drops of rain began to fall, we headed back for the barn.

Under a porch roof, just outside the barn sat a row of white rocking chairs. Sitting on one of the rockers was Irma, one of George’s friends, also celebrating her birthday on that very day. Irma is an older, beautiful, no nonsense kind of black woman whom I admire. She was sitting next to her husband Willy, an educator, talented musician, and all around easy guy. Irma looked up at the dark clouds and said in a commanding voice while strongly pointing her finger at the ground , “Lord, we need a miracle here!” Shortly thereafter the sky cleared with no more than a few drops of rain having spotted the table cloths.

Now that is the way to pray. No begging, no pleading, no negotiating, no promises of behavior changes. Just a firm statement to your lord of what was needed. She didn’t point at the heavens in a demanding or accusing way. She pointed at the ground where we were gathered in celebration, to clarify the location of the needed miracle. She spoke her mind. And the clouds blew over, and only a few drops of rain fell, and the evening was a great success.

Now whether you believe in miracles or prayer or not, this might have been one!

Spiritual vs Religious

Buddhism is more and more entering our life. Gregory has always said that if any religion meant anything to him it was Buddhism. I feel the same and have decided to learn more about it and to behave more like a Buddhist (although not sure what that means yet. I would suspect it embraces many of the ways that we already behave and will add a few more.)

We have three Tibetan Buddhist Prayer bowls (of high, medium, and low range) on the table by our front door. On leaving and entering the condo as well as on entering and leaving the day, we strike them gently with a wooden baton. The sound of their harmony is quite peaceful.

I used to call it "our way of praying" but then I would have to explain the spiritual vs religious, and the discomfort with the concept of prayer. We consider ourselves Spriitual NOT Religious. My discomfort with prayer comes, from among other reasons, 1) preferring to pray by myself instead of in a prescribed way, place, or time. 2) Not liking the idea of begging or promising to "be different" in exchange for better treatment. 3) making it seem like prayer excuses one from being responsible for one's own actions and life events, 4) Feeling like I am looking out for an answer instead of looking in. and 5) When "Bad Things Happen To Good People" not going into the "poor me, why me" mode as opposed to looking at how one can live with a positive mind set with what one is dealt ... because sometime "shit just happens."

Recently I have begun explaining the tradition (prayer bowls ceremony) as "Our way of acknowledging, by sending our message out into the universe, that there are forces and understandings far greater then we know at this point in time and hoping to learn from those forces and understandings." 

We also have a "Prayer Wheel" on the table. One spins the drum with its written prayer, fastened inside a hand painted alter type container, sending vibrations out into the universe with our message. In Japan, person sized drums are attached to the full length of temples and people spin them as they walk by as a from of prayer.

Another part of ouyr ceremony takes place continuously as the Tibetan Buddhist Prayer Flags, flying out on our balcony, slowly disintegrate  and send their threads out into the universe. I do not know what the prayers on the flags or drum say, but that really doesn't matter does it? Just the doing and the knowing that right will out is what counts.

We are adding one more piece to the ceremony, a bell that is inverted and struck by a small brass hammer. In contrast, prayer bowls sit on a cushion while this bell balances on a pin and therefore sounds purer and longer. The concept was introduced to us by our God Son Isaac who just returned from Japan. You sound the bell and then meditate for as long as you can hear the bell plus a little longer for that which you cannot hear. A moment to go within to see what awaits you.

Will share more as we continue or look at Buddhism, but I would guess that it is more a philosophy of life than it is a prescribed way of dealing with life.