Wrote this to a friend and wanted to share it with a larger audience.Bill,
I have been thinking about this for several days. We had a great talk about your feelings of worthlessness especially working for such a huge company like xxx and your need to be “The Best Little Boy.” You had some great insights into why after so many successes in life you still feel that you are not pushing hard enough and/or that you are not good enough! I had some comments about your Grandfather and your dad.
So the question is: Have you been continuing to mindfully work on this issue? Or have you just tucked it away and gotten on with life? I understand the latter approach but to create a new feeling, a new attitude, a new practice; one must meditate on the answer. One must sit with these feelings, out in the open, and see what lessons they can teach you.
When the football is coming at you is no time to practice catching and running for the final touchdown in front of a stadium full of people. The time to practice is before the pressure of the game and the arrival of the audience who is watching.
Holding a self-confidence that does not depend on constant performance and that does not allow past, no longer viable triggers to trigger old feelings, attitudes, and behaviors ... depends on changing deep, long-held, most likely incorrect convictions. Practice, practice, practice.
As I said, sit with the emotions even if they are painful company. Develop new ways of thinking and often repeat them to yourself. Create new mantras to remind and support you. Then, once the Practice of New Thinking comes easily, and when old triggers no longer are needed, and if old triggers do arise no longer create havoc; then one can drop the issue because in essence, it really no longer exists!