Finding Enlightenment

First, know that ENLIGHTENMENT is not something to achieve.
It is already there, living inside you, waiting to be discovered!
All you need to do is learn how to quiet the voices, past and present
that cause you to judge, to criticize, to evaluate ... others and yourself.

An actualized adult looks at beliefs and TRIAGES what they believe.
Some beliefs no longer are true for you, get rid of them, and forget them.
Some beliefs are still important to you, keep them and hold them with love.
Some beliefs you are not sure of, hold on to them, no pressure to decide.

It feels great to know that certain beliefs no longer are part of who you are.
But, careful, the triggers are still there and will bring back those beliefs.
Note those trigers, be aware of feelings, remind yourself of new choices.
Quiet yourself. Hear your own voices, not those of the past or of others.

Children believe what they are told by important people in our lives,
Parents, Grandparents, Priests, Teachers, Relatives, Neighbors, other adults.
Children we do not realize they have POWER, power to decide, to believe.
They accept what others tell us, by what we see, hear, read.

Other children: friends, and foes, also influence our beliefs and thoughts.
We like them and/or are bullied by them, we want to be liked by others.
We work to feel good, feel happy. We work to avoid feeling bad, unhappy.
Life is confusing; Children grow up without realizing they have power.

The purpose of childhood is to become INDEPENDENT of our parents.
To make our own life, our own decisions, our own happiness is our goal.
We also make our own misery, reinforcing our own poor self-image,
reinforcing our belief system which may or may not be still be true.

How do you QUIET yourself enough in today's busy, noisy world?
How do you take the constant barrage of contradictory pieces of information
and create an environment for at least a little piece of time in which you
can hear your own voices? Look at your own feelings and beliefs?

MEDITATE, is what you are told. What does that mean, how do I do that?
Meditation does not mean taking long periods of time out of your busy day.
It means taking a minute or two  and slowly building on how long.
If your goals are too ambitious you are setting yourself up for failure.

For a minute or two, maybe at the same time each day and same place,
concentrate on BREATHING. Breath in. It is good. Breath out. It is good.
Realize that everyone in the world is sharing this sacred moment with you.
As we all breath without much thinking we have a minute or two well spent!

Don't think you need to stop thinking! The mind is always thinking.
Focus on your breath, if your mind wanders, as it will, just make note
Bring it back to focus on your breathing. Don't linger on the thought.
Don't tell backstories just acknowledge it and refocus on your breathing.

Through meditation, you will find that slowly you will be able to relax.
You will be able to hear the voices deep within, the messages they bring,
not in the "mind wanderings" but in understandings that come after
the few minutes of meditation. Slowly build time, try to keep to the place.

You will find that EMOTIONS are not something to be controled,
but rather a barometer of your current life. Thank you emotions.
Sit quietly and ask what lessons your emotions have come to teach you.
Meditate and often the lessons will come automatically and easily.

Some lessons will not be easy. They will bring pain, discomfort, and tears.
Acknowlege them, you will feel better and be better at dealing with them.
Ask them to return later if you do not have time to spend with them, but do
invite them back. If you begin to solve them you will feel better about them!

Follow this advice, don't be hard on yourself, don't set high expectations.
Better low and met than high and punishing yourself. Meditate. Triage.
Say hello to your emotions and thank them. Ask what lessons they have.
Postpone if necessary but remember to invite them to return to visit later.

Enlightenment comes from deep within, it already exists within you.
Slow down, quiet down enough to listen, learn your lessons and to locate it!
You will be able to call up your new beliefs at will with more confidence.
The new thinking, the new understanding will serve you well.

The practice of catching a football during the middle of an important game,
with the ball coming at you, is not the best time to begin your practice.
Practice whenever and where ever you can. Practice often. Practice regularly.
Practice when under no pressure. Practice for a few moments a day.

You will find that when you have established a PRACTICE for yourself,
you will still drop the ball now and then but you will catch it more often
even when smack dab in the middle of the ongoing game called LIFE.
Your days will be filled with joy and love, self-confidence and growth!

A Childhood Experience Relived

Last night Gregory and I watched South Pacific on our TV. The movie premiered in 1958 when I was13 years old. My memories of seeing that movie with my family are strongly etched.

Perhaps to celebrate my 13th birthday, or perhaps my Bar-Mitzvpah, my mom and dad took my sister and me downtown to see South Pacific. In those days one got dressed up to go downtown. The movie was at a large, fancy movie theater of which there were many downtown; like the Chicago Theater, the Oriental, the Woods.

Now a days, movies open without fan fair but  in those days the large movie companies premiered their releases in the downtown theaters, they were big events, and seats were reserved.

The movie left its lasting impression on my young mind for many reasons. I certainly was homosexual at 13 but not practicing. At that age also, I certainly did not understand what being "Gay" meant or what I was really feeling. Seeing all those naked men singing and dancing on the beaches of the South Pacific must have aroused me not only sexually but also intellectually and emotionally.

At that age I did not have ideas, or opinions, or beliefs, at least ones of which I was aware. I knew what my parents and teachers had taught me to think and believe and while I probably felt conflicted in those beliefs, the conflict was not yet approachable.

I had not yet seen or experienced the adventures of the world, had never been on my own, and while I was already dealing with issues of "independence," I had very little.

The romance of the South Pacific island affected me: lush jungle plants, beautiful water, sunsets, sandy beaches, island life.

The good looking sailors who apparently were enjoying themselves, sang and danced with each other in the same way that boys and girls danced at the parties I attended at school.

Even though the movie takes place on the island because of war, very little of the carnage of war was shown; only more good looking, half naked men enjoying themselves in the hospital wards.

When Lieutenant Cable arrived on the Island, I instantly fell in love with him. When he fell in love with Liat, the Polynesian girl, it was as if he had fallen in love with me. When he died, I was bereft and grieved for a time after the movie.

I had fallen in love with love. Until that movie I did not really understand what love was about. One did not see much "love" in ones parents at that age if only because during the 1950's adults did not overtly demonstrate or discuss the concept of love.

I assume that my parents loved each other but at the age of thirteen I did not see much evidence of their love, only bickering and fighting and conflict in their relationship.

In addition to Cable and Liat's love affair, that of Emile, the French Man and his relationship with Nellie, the American nurse, was more proof that love existed, even though not easily attained.

So in addition to the lovely afternoon, downtown at the rare occasion of seeing a movie with my family, I was initiated into the world of fantasy, pleasure, independence, sex, and love. My unrecognized homosexuality was titillated and most likely provided much masterbatory material. In all, a productive afternoon and one that remains vividly etched in my memory.

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South Pacific is a 1958 American romantic musical film adaptation of the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical South Pacific, and based on James A. Michener's Tales of the South Pacific. The film, directed byJoshua Logan, starred Rossano Brazzi, Mitzi Gaynor, John Kerr and Ray Walston in the leading roles with Juanita Hall as Bloody Mary, the part that she had played in the original stage production.