On being another year older and dealing with aging.
Taken from "The Little Buddah"
Showing posts with label New Year. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New Year. Show all posts
Saturday, December 30, 2017
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
On Writing, On Life
Interesting that it more difficult to write about interesting, fun, timely things here than it is to write about emotional, difficult, worrisome things on my Alzheimer's BLOG. Guilt plays a role in making me come here when the last post date gets too far for comfort.
"Write everyday if you want to consider yourself a writer." Sit down and write about whatever comes into your head. Use writing motivations to help you get started. Write non-stop for ten minutes about whatever you are thinking about. But that doesn't always work.
For me, writing is a way of processing my life. Understanding it. Sitting with the difficult emotions that arise and seeing what they are telling me. Laughing over the amusing funny things that happen. Wondering about what I see and perceive around me. Thinking about and planing creative ventures and projects.
I was worried about getting through the holiday season this year since it was going to be the first Christmas and New Year's that Gregory and I did not celebrate together in forty years. But then I got to thinking about what a good (relatively) place we are in today compared to the hell our life was last year BL (Before-Lieberman.)
Also, I was able to celebrate with Gregory, just in a different way. I had my meals with him in the Lieberman dining room, we opened gifts, we had a Christmas tree in his room, we watched our usual holiday videos.
So now we are in a new year, a time of resolutions, a time of plans, a time to move forward. But can I do that when in many ways I feel like I am still "on hold" with Gregory as he continues to change and decline.
I visit almost every day for an hour or two and that cheers me up. I am in the process of signing up for Hospice for him which feels empowering to be able to control that part of the future which I am able.
But when I am home I am lonely, miss him so much, and feel lethargic finding it is easier to not face my creativity, my projects, my day to day life maintenance. Gregory is still a very large part of my life and my focus. I am happy that he is still with me and that he is content, happy, safe, well taken care of.
So you can imagine that most of my writing is directed towards my Alzheimer's BLOG.
http://mhorvichcares.blogspot.com .
But what about me? Maybe another year will help me feel more my new self and help me get on with life. Maybe another year will help me realize those many projects I have created for myself. Maybe I'll get back into being a Supernumerary for the opera, Ringmaster for Michael's Flea Circus, Curator of a second museum The Small, Writer, Poet, Public Speaker? Maybe I will slowly get used to my life without the old Gregory, the old relationship, the old times together.
Or maybe I'll just continue to post more often on the Alzheimer's BLOG for now and see how life unfolds for me without too much pressure, too much fear, too much regret, too much frustration, too much anger. Maybe LIFE will sneak up and before I notice, I will be the new me?
"Write everyday if you want to consider yourself a writer." Sit down and write about whatever comes into your head. Use writing motivations to help you get started. Write non-stop for ten minutes about whatever you are thinking about. But that doesn't always work.
For me, writing is a way of processing my life. Understanding it. Sitting with the difficult emotions that arise and seeing what they are telling me. Laughing over the amusing funny things that happen. Wondering about what I see and perceive around me. Thinking about and planing creative ventures and projects.
I was worried about getting through the holiday season this year since it was going to be the first Christmas and New Year's that Gregory and I did not celebrate together in forty years. But then I got to thinking about what a good (relatively) place we are in today compared to the hell our life was last year BL (Before-Lieberman.)
Also, I was able to celebrate with Gregory, just in a different way. I had my meals with him in the Lieberman dining room, we opened gifts, we had a Christmas tree in his room, we watched our usual holiday videos.
So now we are in a new year, a time of resolutions, a time of plans, a time to move forward. But can I do that when in many ways I feel like I am still "on hold" with Gregory as he continues to change and decline.
I visit almost every day for an hour or two and that cheers me up. I am in the process of signing up for Hospice for him which feels empowering to be able to control that part of the future which I am able.
But when I am home I am lonely, miss him so much, and feel lethargic finding it is easier to not face my creativity, my projects, my day to day life maintenance. Gregory is still a very large part of my life and my focus. I am happy that he is still with me and that he is content, happy, safe, well taken care of.
So you can imagine that most of my writing is directed towards my Alzheimer's BLOG.
http://mhorvichcares.blogspot.com .
But what about me? Maybe another year will help me feel more my new self and help me get on with life. Maybe another year will help me realize those many projects I have created for myself. Maybe I'll get back into being a Supernumerary for the opera, Ringmaster for Michael's Flea Circus, Curator of a second museum The Small, Writer, Poet, Public Speaker? Maybe I will slowly get used to my life without the old Gregory, the old relationship, the old times together.
Or maybe I'll just continue to post more often on the Alzheimer's BLOG for now and see how life unfolds for me without too much pressure, too much fear, too much regret, too much frustration, too much anger. Maybe LIFE will sneak up and before I notice, I will be the new me?
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Seasonal Changes
Today was the last day of our Christmas Season. All of the entertaining is done, all the presents given and those received unwrapped. Most of the homemade cookies gone: Peanut Butter, Oatmeal Raisin, Date Nut Bars, Walnut Balls, Chocolate Walnut Balls, Snickerdoodles, Chocolate Chip, Brownie Bites. Tomorrow we take down the decorations.
As much as we love the holidays and decorations and celebrations and entertaining, we also enjoy putting everything away until next season and getting our life back to normal. The house always seems so much more orderly and spacious when all of the Christmas is tucked back into boxes and put back on the shelves in the laundry room above the washer and dryer.
Now is the time to pick up all the projects that have been put on hold as well as the time to reflect on last year and the possibilities of next year. This week Gregory and I are preparing for an art show at our friend's Jan & Jake's IN THE TABLE GALLERY. Carmen at the Lyric Opera of Chicago, and my role as a supernumerary continues again for eight performances in March. The count down until the opening of my Michael's Museum at The Chicago Children's Museum on Navy Pier begins in earnest: Friday, May 13, 2011. Writing continues. Photography continues. Work on "As Assembly of Assemblages" which opens on June 1, 2011 at the Lincolnwood Village Hall Gallery will go on simultaneously.
Life is busy. Life is good.
As much as we love the holidays and decorations and celebrations and entertaining, we also enjoy putting everything away until next season and getting our life back to normal. The house always seems so much more orderly and spacious when all of the Christmas is tucked back into boxes and put back on the shelves in the laundry room above the washer and dryer.
Now is the time to pick up all the projects that have been put on hold as well as the time to reflect on last year and the possibilities of next year. This week Gregory and I are preparing for an art show at our friend's Jan & Jake's IN THE TABLE GALLERY. Carmen at the Lyric Opera of Chicago, and my role as a supernumerary continues again for eight performances in March. The count down until the opening of my Michael's Museum at The Chicago Children's Museum on Navy Pier begins in earnest: Friday, May 13, 2011. Writing continues. Photography continues. Work on "As Assembly of Assemblages" which opens on June 1, 2011 at the Lincolnwood Village Hall Gallery will go on simultaneously.
Life is busy. Life is good.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Happy New Year 2011
This is post number 111. For some reason 11 has always been a significant number for Gregory and me. Our favorite time is 11:11 either AM or PM. Mostly 11:11 PM is the best because we are in bed by then, finished with our day, reading a good book before going to sleep.
November 11th is a good day ... especially at 11:11. Tonight we welcome in the New Year, 2011! There's that "11" again. And while I don't want to rush time, can you imagine what a wonderful celebration we will have twice on 11/11/11 at 11:11? Join us!
November 11th is a good day ... especially at 11:11. Tonight we welcome in the New Year, 2011! There's that "11" again. And while I don't want to rush time, can you imagine what a wonderful celebration we will have twice on 11/11/11 at 11:11? Join us!
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