Finding Enlightenment

First, know that ENLIGHTENMENT is not something to achieve.
It is already there, living inside you, waiting to be discovered!
All you need to do is learn how to quiet the voices, past and present
that cause you to judge, to criticize, to evaluate ... others and yourself.

An actualized adult looks at beliefs and TRIAGES what they believe.
Some beliefs no longer are true for you, get rid of them, and forget them.
Some beliefs are still important to you, keep them and hold them with love.
Some beliefs you are not sure of, hold on to them, no pressure to decide.

It feels great to know that certain beliefs no longer are part of who you are.
But, careful, the triggers are still there and will bring back those beliefs.
Note those trigers, be aware of feelings, remind yourself of new choices.
Quiet yourself. Hear your own voices, not those of the past or of others.

Children believe what they are told by important people in our lives,
Parents, Grandparents, Priests, Teachers, Relatives, Neighbors, other adults.
Children we do not realize they have POWER, power to decide, to believe.
They accept what others tell us, by what we see, hear, read.

Other children: friends, and foes, also influence our beliefs and thoughts.
We like them and/or are bullied by them, we want to be liked by others.
We work to feel good, feel happy. We work to avoid feeling bad, unhappy.
Life is confusing; Children grow up without realizing they have power.

The purpose of childhood is to become INDEPENDENT of our parents.
To make our own life, our own decisions, our own happiness is our goal.
We also make our own misery, reinforcing our own poor self-image,
reinforcing our belief system which may or may not be still be true.

How do you QUIET yourself enough in today's busy, noisy world?
How do you take the constant barrage of contradictory pieces of information
and create an environment for at least a little piece of time in which you
can hear your own voices? Look at your own feelings and beliefs?

MEDITATE, is what you are told. What does that mean, how do I do that?
Meditation does not mean taking long periods of time out of your busy day.
It means taking a minute or two  and slowly building on how long.
If your goals are too ambitious you are setting yourself up for failure.

For a minute or two, maybe at the same time each day and same place,
concentrate on BREATHING. Breath in. It is good. Breath out. It is good.
Realize that everyone in the world is sharing this sacred moment with you.
As we all breath without much thinking we have a minute or two well spent!

Don't think you need to stop thinking! The mind is always thinking.
Focus on your breath, if your mind wanders, as it will, just make note
Bring it back to focus on your breathing. Don't linger on the thought.
Don't tell backstories just acknowledge it and refocus on your breathing.

Through meditation, you will find that slowly you will be able to relax.
You will be able to hear the voices deep within, the messages they bring,
not in the "mind wanderings" but in understandings that come after
the few minutes of meditation. Slowly build time, try to keep to the place.

You will find that EMOTIONS are not something to be controled,
but rather a barometer of your current life. Thank you emotions.
Sit quietly and ask what lessons your emotions have come to teach you.
Meditate and often the lessons will come automatically and easily.

Some lessons will not be easy. They will bring pain, discomfort, and tears.
Acknowlege them, you will feel better and be better at dealing with them.
Ask them to return later if you do not have time to spend with them, but do
invite them back. If you begin to solve them you will feel better about them!

Follow this advice, don't be hard on yourself, don't set high expectations.
Better low and met than high and punishing yourself. Meditate. Triage.
Say hello to your emotions and thank them. Ask what lessons they have.
Postpone if necessary but remember to invite them to return to visit later.

Enlightenment comes from deep within, it already exists within you.
Slow down, quiet down enough to listen, learn your lessons and to locate it!
You will be able to call up your new beliefs at will with more confidence.
The new thinking, the new understanding will serve you well.

The practice of catching a football during the middle of an important game,
with the ball coming at you, is not the best time to begin your practice.
Practice whenever and where ever you can. Practice often. Practice regularly.
Practice when under no pressure. Practice for a few moments a day.

You will find that when you have established a PRACTICE for yourself,
you will still drop the ball now and then but you will catch it more often
even when smack dab in the middle of the ongoing game called LIFE.
Your days will be filled with joy and love, self-confidence and growth!

On the Occassion of Isaac and Jessie's, My God Children's Wedding

LOVE and MARRIAGE

Wishes to Isaac Bloom and Jessie Liang,  Jessie Liang and Isaac Bloom,

On the occasion of their wedding, Friday, October 5, 2018.

By Michael Horvich

From my heart, some thoughts as you are about to agree to marry … 

You will continue to be separate individuals but will be living in a world of togetherness. You must continue to grow as individuals but now you will also have the opportunity to grow as a couple. 

Some growth will be person specific, sometimes one of you a little ahead of the other and sometimes a little behind but never too far from each other. Different friends, different likes and dislikes, different activities, apart time. The growth will take you in separate directions and this is good. 

Some growth will be couple specific, continuing on a parallel track and in the same direction, hand in hand, and this too is good. Friends, likes, dislikes, activities, together time; things that you both enjoy.

For a union to be successful, I strongly believe that both types of growth must take place.

Here is a little more advice which I believe will help you as you both grow on both paths.

“Self” is made up of everything you have ever thought, been told, said, seen. It is made up of everything you have ever witnessed, experienced, & more. Therefore, “Self” does not have an individual identity. Your “Self” is not just your personal beliefs. It is the total of and a reflection of every person and experience you know and have known. This has been true from the day you were born and will go on until the day you die. This began when you were a babe in arms, continued as a child, and a teen, and a young adult. This took place before you even realized that you had the power to accept or reject what people what you saw or what you heard.

To become a fully actualized person, you must now realize and accept that you do have the power to change your “Self.” To do so, one must “triage" their belief system. Mindfully rethink your beliefs as they come up, keep the ones with which you agree. Toss the ones with which you disagree. Rethink those of which you are not sure.

Now that you are agreeing to marry, not only the “Self” but also “Love” is moderated, by those very same things and conditions. Sometimes those moderations are helpful. Sometimes they are not. To have a fully actualized marriage, you must now realize and accept that you have the power to make changes in your beliefs. As a couple, you will need to jointly “triage” your “what is a “Marriage Belief Systems” as well. In this way, they will be more closely in synchronization. 

This is sometimes an easy process and sometimes a painful one. Saying goodbye to old beliefs is always a little difficult. Saying hello to new beliefs always a little frightening. But more frightening and risk-taking is NOT making changes.

In addition, to be successful, Gregory and I learned that COMMUNICATION and RESPECT are the key factors in our relationship. The willingness to not only LISTEN but also to HEAR each other figures in as well. We were able to NEGOTIATE and RENEGOTIATE our relationship, our RESPONSIBILITIES to each other, and our day to day housekeeping DUTIES as we grew and changed and our needs and lives changed. Sometimes Gregory needed to lead and other times it was my job to lead. Sometimes “roles were subject to change on a moment’s notice!” Also, we NEVER went to bed angry and NEVER walked out on each other until an argument/disagreement was settled or at least we mutually agreed to put the argument on hold. 

I believe that you two will have a wonderful (although sometimes it will be rocky) future ahead of you. You have already experienced some of that rockiness so it will not come as a surprise. If anything because of it, you will be able to approach new difficulties with greater strength, greater resolve, and therefore greater LOVE.

Congratulations on choosing change!

Fondly, Michael (and Gregory)

EGO

This post is based on an e-mail from my niece regarding a post in the DAILY OM by Madison Taylor

DAILY OM: 

The Ego By: Madison Taylor (www.dailyom.com) The ego is simply a way for us to understand and attend to ourselves, at the same time as we understand and attend to the world around us. In most spiritual circles, the ego gets a pretty bad rap. The reason for this is that the ego, to some extent, is the principle in our psyches that separates us from one another, while the spirit is the principle that shows us that no such separation exists. Sometimes the ego is depicted as an almost demonic figure that keeps us from realizing our true nature. But at its most basic, the ego is simply a tool that helps us organize the various aspects of our personality so that we can function in the world. In this sense, the ego is simply a way for us to understand and attend to ourselves at the same time as we understand and attend to the world around us. The ego is a tool that we use to navigate the world. Perhaps the problem is that the ego sometimes gets out of control. This happens when the higher self loses control of the psyche. The psyche then falls under the leadership of the ego, an entity that was never meant to lead. The ego is meant to be definitively in the service of the higher self. When this relationship is functioning, the ego is a useful intermediary representing the whole self but not thinking that it is the whole self. Then, it is almost as if the ego is the self playfully pretending to be the separate entity called "I." Like an actor, the ego plays the roles that the world asks us to play in order to be part of the program. In this way, the ego can be a tool enabling us to be in the world but not of it. As long as we are in touch with our higher selves, our egos are not a threat. They are simply useful tools in the service of spirit. We keep our egos in check when we continually nurture our awareness of who we really are. Then our egos are free to serve without trying ineffectually to rule. It is healthy to have ego, but like all things in life, ego functions best when it is in balance and harmony with your whole self.

EMAIL:

This is so NOT how I was taught in school (behaviorist theories) or in real life.  Even my therapist preaches that our biggest problems are not caused by external factors but from our own attitude, selfishness, and self-absorption.  Do you ever feel overwhelmed by it all?  

MY REPLY

I find the whole understanding of EGO and its purpose/function confusing. 

I believe EGO, based on your comments, is the way we deal with those “external factors” which affect “our own attitude, selfishness, and self-absorption which in fact we ARE controlling.

The EGO is what defines the “self” or “I” which is based on what others think of us, how they respond to us, and what they tell us. This is not necessarily the truth but our interpretation of the truth? Does this make sense?

When our "truths" are challenged, the EGO fights to hold on to them. Change is hard and the EGO is a way to protect us from having to change?

Buddhism talks about “emptiness” which is in effect who we are BEFORE we make all these judgments (thus spirit?) based on probably false data from society, parents, relatives, educators, religious figures, friends, etc. 

I have talked before about the need for triage, as adults, to sort out those things we were told and came to believe as children (when we were powerless or even realized that we potentially had the power to disagree and form our own opinions.) 

The triage consists of looking at the various believes of self and keeping, tossing, or needing to do more thinking about those aspects. Most adults do not do this or even realize that they can. They carry all this baggage and just accept it as TRUTH when in fact it is not.

The key to being a mature, actualized adult (at peace with themselves) depends on this ability to triage