Five Levels of Vulnerability

I experienced my first level of vulnerability in March of 2020 during COVID 19 while turning 75 years old. It was a Personal Vulnerability. Not only was 75 years old a difficult milestone, but 75 years old during a pandemic, in which I chose self-quarantine to protect myself from the virus made it more difficult. I felt my age, I felt young of mind but old of body, my mortality became more apparent.

The next level of vulnerability arrived recently in the form of Species Vulnerability. With so many people, especially health compromised and older people becoming ill, ending up with life-threatening difficulties for the rest of their life, or dying based on viral droplets that could be spread by someone infected and ill or by an infected asymptomatic carrier, was frightening.

The fact that this interloper was doing its work around the world was frightening. Hearing of hospitals running out of tens of thousands of beds for those infected and hearing of thousands of people dying from it in a day was frightening. Hearing about approximately 16 million COVID 19 cases around the world and close to 700 thousand deaths is mind-boggling!

Then came the next level, Cultural Vulnerability. Many people could not go to work or had to figure out how to do so from home. Parents had nowhere to send their children while they worked. Kids no longer had schools to attend or summer activities in which to partake, like swimming pools or day camps.

Funerals and religious services could no longer be attended. Visiting ill or dying relatives in the hospital longer no longer permitted. No longer could I visit with friends, stop for a friendly chat in the condo elevator lobby, go out to dinner with a group. No longer was I able to comfortably shop for groceries. Birthdays, weddings, and funerals could no longer be celebrated with family.

Theater and entertainment as we knew it ended: legitimate theater and musicals were closed, concerts and meetings were canceled. Travel and vacations were curtailed then canceled. I did not mind the isolation of my condo, it felt more like personal solitude, but my heart was heavy for those less fortunate than I, those suffering job loss, those who had to work anyway through these dangerous times, and those who did not have homes in which to shelter,

Societal Vulnerability struck when so many poor, homeless, Latinx, and Black people seemed to be carrying more than their share of COVID 19 and because I was a White, Male, Older Citizen I was "entitled" and part of the problem! Rioting over police brutality towards Blacks and Latinx increased and took place not only in the US but across the world.

Most recently, in the last few days actually, for me it seems that Democracy Vulnerability has struck. While the Trump Administration has been horrible in so many ways from day one of the president's inauguration, he slowly has undermined all the progress the U.S. had made over the years in so many areas. His lies, cheating, misogyny, racism, homophobia, greed, vanity, etc became the new norm. His approach to government has led to violence, hatred towards others, and stirring up antiblack and antisemitism and antiimmigration.

Anything that does not report him in a good light is "Fake News." His approach to leadership is one of "Gaslighting" and confusing issues. He seemed to appoint people to each important government post, who in the past opposed the very work that the post demands. In fact, many of these appointees are in effect dismantling the office of which they are in charge.

Now he is sending government troops to cities to quell rioting in ways that resemble the "Secret Police" of Hitler. The result of this action has caused more disturbances which will necessitate sending more troops. The use of war type tactics against the people who are demonstrating is unforgivable. The blurring of the roles of police from protection to suppressing freedom of speech is frightening.

His supporting voter suppression, fighting against voting by mail, and saying he will not leave office if not elected adds to anarchy. Will he attempt to cancel elections "due to COVID 19?" Is he taking advantage of the disturbances to create a police state, a military state?

While most of this horrible situation is blamed on Trump, it is bigger than the man. There are so many others who are behind his frightening leadership. We know that Black, poverty, and diversity issues have been with us for a long time. Perhaps the one thing the Trump Administration has done is made the actions of government and not caring about these issues, more transparent. It seems to have divided the population in their beliefs.

It seems that the U.S. in reality is based on power and greed and does not exist for the well being of its citizens. We are also seeing many other countries in the world in this new light of power, control, and greed. The US is no longer and hasn't been for a while, the idyllic country leading the way for the world.

All of this saddens me, makes me feel vulnerable on so many levels, and causes me to wonder what will be the future of life in the U.S., in the world.

Finding Enlightenment

First, know that ENLIGHTENMENT is not something to achieve.
It is already there, living inside you, waiting to be discovered!
All you need to do is learn how to quiet the voices, past and present
that cause you to judge, to criticize, to evaluate ... others and yourself.

An actualized adult looks at beliefs and TRIAGES what they believe.
Some beliefs no longer are true for you, get rid of them, and forget them.
Some beliefs are still important to you, keep them and hold them with love.
Some beliefs you are not sure of, hold on to them, no pressure to decide.

It feels great to know that certain beliefs no longer are part of who you are.
But, careful, the triggers are still there and will bring back those beliefs.
Note those trigers, be aware of feelings, remind yourself of new choices.
Quiet yourself. Hear your own voices, not those of the past or of others.

Children believe what they are told by important people in our lives,
Parents, Grandparents, Priests, Teachers, Relatives, Neighbors, other adults.
Children we do not realize they have POWER, power to decide, to believe.
They accept what others tell us, by what we see, hear, read.

Other children: friends, and foes, also influence our beliefs and thoughts.
We like them and/or are bullied by them, we want to be liked by others.
We work to feel good, feel happy. We work to avoid feeling bad, unhappy.
Life is confusing; Children grow up without realizing they have power.

The purpose of childhood is to become INDEPENDENT of our parents.
To make our own life, our own decisions, our own happiness is our goal.
We also make our own misery, reinforcing our own poor self-image,
reinforcing our belief system which may or may not be still be true.

How do you QUIET yourself enough in today's busy, noisy world?
How do you take the constant barrage of contradictory pieces of information
and create an environment for at least a little piece of time in which you
can hear your own voices? Look at your own feelings and beliefs?

MEDITATE, is what you are told. What does that mean, how do I do that?
Meditation does not mean taking long periods of time out of your busy day.
It means taking a minute or two  and slowly building on how long.
If your goals are too ambitious you are setting yourself up for failure.

For a minute or two, maybe at the same time each day and same place,
concentrate on BREATHING. Breath in. It is good. Breath out. It is good.
Realize that everyone in the world is sharing this sacred moment with you.
As we all breath without much thinking we have a minute or two well spent!

Don't think you need to stop thinking! The mind is always thinking.
Focus on your breath, if your mind wanders, as it will, just make note
Bring it back to focus on your breathing. Don't linger on the thought.
Don't tell backstories just acknowledge it and refocus on your breathing.

Through meditation, you will find that slowly you will be able to relax.
You will be able to hear the voices deep within, the messages they bring,
not in the "mind wanderings" but in understandings that come after
the few minutes of meditation. Slowly build time, try to keep to the place.

You will find that EMOTIONS are not something to be controled,
but rather a barometer of your current life. Thank you emotions.
Sit quietly and ask what lessons your emotions have come to teach you.
Meditate and often the lessons will come automatically and easily.

Some lessons will not be easy. They will bring pain, discomfort, and tears.
Acknowlege them, you will feel better and be better at dealing with them.
Ask them to return later if you do not have time to spend with them, but do
invite them back. If you begin to solve them you will feel better about them!

Follow this advice, don't be hard on yourself, don't set high expectations.
Better low and met than high and punishing yourself. Meditate. Triage.
Say hello to your emotions and thank them. Ask what lessons they have.
Postpone if necessary but remember to invite them to return to visit later.

Enlightenment comes from deep within, it already exists within you.
Slow down, quiet down enough to listen, learn your lessons and to locate it!
You will be able to call up your new beliefs at will with more confidence.
The new thinking, the new understanding will serve you well.

The practice of catching a football during the middle of an important game,
with the ball coming at you, is not the best time to begin your practice.
Practice whenever and where ever you can. Practice often. Practice regularly.
Practice when under no pressure. Practice for a few moments a day.

You will find that when you have established a PRACTICE for yourself,
you will still drop the ball now and then but you will catch it more often
even when smack dab in the middle of the ongoing game called LIFE.
Your days will be filled with joy and love, self-confidence and growth!

EGO

This post is based on an e-mail from my niece regarding a post in the DAILY OM by Madison Taylor

DAILY OM: 

The Ego By: Madison Taylor (www.dailyom.com) The ego is simply a way for us to understand and attend to ourselves, at the same time as we understand and attend to the world around us. In most spiritual circles, the ego gets a pretty bad rap. The reason for this is that the ego, to some extent, is the principle in our psyches that separates us from one another, while the spirit is the principle that shows us that no such separation exists. Sometimes the ego is depicted as an almost demonic figure that keeps us from realizing our true nature. But at its most basic, the ego is simply a tool that helps us organize the various aspects of our personality so that we can function in the world. In this sense, the ego is simply a way for us to understand and attend to ourselves at the same time as we understand and attend to the world around us. The ego is a tool that we use to navigate the world. Perhaps the problem is that the ego sometimes gets out of control. This happens when the higher self loses control of the psyche. The psyche then falls under the leadership of the ego, an entity that was never meant to lead. The ego is meant to be definitively in the service of the higher self. When this relationship is functioning, the ego is a useful intermediary representing the whole self but not thinking that it is the whole self. Then, it is almost as if the ego is the self playfully pretending to be the separate entity called "I." Like an actor, the ego plays the roles that the world asks us to play in order to be part of the program. In this way, the ego can be a tool enabling us to be in the world but not of it. As long as we are in touch with our higher selves, our egos are not a threat. They are simply useful tools in the service of spirit. We keep our egos in check when we continually nurture our awareness of who we really are. Then our egos are free to serve without trying ineffectually to rule. It is healthy to have ego, but like all things in life, ego functions best when it is in balance and harmony with your whole self.

EMAIL:

This is so NOT how I was taught in school (behaviorist theories) or in real life.  Even my therapist preaches that our biggest problems are not caused by external factors but from our own attitude, selfishness, and self-absorption.  Do you ever feel overwhelmed by it all?  

MY REPLY

I find the whole understanding of EGO and its purpose/function confusing. 

I believe EGO, based on your comments, is the way we deal with those “external factors” which affect “our own attitude, selfishness, and self-absorption which in fact we ARE controlling.

The EGO is what defines the “self” or “I” which is based on what others think of us, how they respond to us, and what they tell us. This is not necessarily the truth but our interpretation of the truth? Does this make sense?

When our "truths" are challenged, the EGO fights to hold on to them. Change is hard and the EGO is a way to protect us from having to change?

Buddhism talks about “emptiness” which is in effect who we are BEFORE we make all these judgments (thus spirit?) based on probably false data from society, parents, relatives, educators, religious figures, friends, etc. 

I have talked before about the need for triage, as adults, to sort out those things we were told and came to believe as children (when we were powerless or even realized that we potentially had the power to disagree and form our own opinions.) 

The triage consists of looking at the various believes of self and keeping, tossing, or needing to do more thinking about those aspects. Most adults do not do this or even realize that they can. They carry all this baggage and just accept it as TRUTH when in fact it is not.

The key to being a mature, actualized adult (at peace with themselves) depends on this ability to triage