I Had a Night MAIRE Last Night

Gregory's brother Mark and sister-in-law Diane had a black cat. A huge, affectionate black cat. Gregory helped name it: "Night Maire." Everyone loved the name and the play on words. Yes, Nightmaire, Nightmare.

Last night before I fell asleep, I asked Gregory (if he could) to visit me in my dreams. And he was able to meet my request. But I didn't deal with it well. So next time I will specify: "In calm and peace, please."

The first part of his visit included snuggling in bed "spoons style" his arm draped over my back. Waking suddenly, it scared the crap out of me experiencing someone in bed (besides the cats and with another person (Gregory) after almost three years.) I woke with a start and that disconnected the connection.

Based on that first visit, Gregory attempted another. The dream became convoluted and circular, my not being able to tell dream from reality.

I wanted to call out to Gregory and was so sad fearing that I could no longer do so, that I called out to Gregory in the other room telling him, "Please come here, I am frightened and I need to talk to you."

Then I realized that I could no longer physically talk to him so I became frightened and called out to him again, which woke me up.

Now awake, he didn't answer so I called out again. Then I realized that my fear was founded and I could never again call out to him and get a physical response.

So I cried and ached and missed him until my throat hurt and it was difficult to breathe.

Slowly I realized that Gregory was only trying to fulfill my request but I handled it poorly. So next time, "In calm and in peace," I hope to do better!

The American Dream Has Turned Into a Nightmare

I am not an expert in this area ... but in case you do not know the story behind MS-13, read / watch this. It certainly a scary situation but an easy one on which to inappropriately latch arguments and instill fear against immigration in general Those people on the border to Mexico are seeking assylum by entering the U.S., for the most part, are not part of MS-13.

The article from BBC says that Trump is blaming Obama but Obama's administration is NOT to blame. At this point no one in particular is to blame, not even Trump, except he is using the situation to fan fear and to manipulate his agenda and that of his cronies and followers.

Also, for the sake of argument, MS-13 is what happens when people have no where else to turn, no place to grow their families, poor health, little food, horrible living conditions, etc. Watch the short video attached to this article. Imagine yourself and the people you love having to live under those conditions. Revolutions come when people have nothing to lose!

There is no excuse for MS-13's violence and criminal disregard but I think that in reallity this is what happens when people are so alienated and at risk that there is no hope. They are fighting for their lives in the only ways they know how, and they have created new standards on how they relate to their own, to society, to life. 

In a parallel universe and in many of the same ways, Trump's supporters are also feeling so alienated and at risk they they see little or no hope. For them the "American Dream" has turned into a nightmare. They are for the most part still operating within societal norms and standards of behavior and decency (but lower and lower) and their discontent is also growing.

Without trying at least to understand MS-13's viewpoint (while not condoning their attrocities) they and similar renegade organizations will continue to grow. People like Trump and his cronies will continue to use them as a fear factor. We will see not only the continued breakdown in our civilization as we know it but we will also witness the move towards more of a military state which will the continued diluting of everyone's human rights as an excuse to contain the breakdown and violence in societal norms.

I have not even begun to broach the idea that the U.S. is not alone, the world has become a nighmare of a place to live for so many people in so many countries.

I do not have any solutions to offer but do know that we need to somehow come to grips with the fact we are all in this together: from black to white to red to yellow, from Jew to Christian to Muslim, from the richest to the poorest, from the educated to the ignorant, from the best behaved to the worst behaved, from the governed to the government.

In some ways we cannot blame the current atmosphere of life in the U.S. and the world on Trump, it has been a long time sneeking up on us, as well as blatently shouting but going unnoticed and unheard. We can and should deplore Trump and his cronies and supporters for using this frightening, devistating situation to manipulate their own discontent, power and wealth.

We must begin to support each other in ways that respect individual differences, build us up without dehumanizing, listen to each other so as to better understand who we are, support our needs not manipulate them. Making "America Great Again" is a reality, it is just that Trump and his people are using that sound bite to their own purpose and in effect, whether you want to admit it or not, making America less and less.

Last Night in Bed

No this is not a sexual activity report but rather a recounting of two amazing dreams I had last night.

The first dream took a lot of energy. It was what are known as "Work Oppressive Dreams" but the problem is that this no longer is my "work" and hasn't been for over 20 years.

I was once again Coordinator of Gifted Education for the Glenview Public Schools and I was having to defend my program, my behavior, and my stand on Gifted Education to all the nay-sayers I came across in my close to 20 years in the role of teacher, consultant to teachers and parents, and administrator of the TAG Program.

For the most part my relationships with students and parents were wonderful, it is the administrators at all levels and district politics that caused me the most grief (with the exception of only a few fellow administrators.) So we are talking about close to 40 years (20 in the role, 20 retired from the role) and I am still having nightmares about my experience.

I finally woke up and while going to the bathroom repeatedly said aloud, "Why are you having this dream? You do not need to have this dream! Stop having this dream." It worked and when I fell asleep, I had a more frightening dream.

Details of exactly where I was and what was happening were not clear. But I would compare it to a usual day, surrounded by family and friends, when suddenly something like a nuclear attack took place. The earth shook, explosions were loud, and a huge cloud of "whatever" slowly came towards us and engulfed us.

I knew I was going to die and slowly lost conscientiousness. Next part of the dream we are not dead but alive in this devastated environment, no sun, dark sky but during the day. Thick air not pleasant to breath without difficulty. No electricity, nothing taking place around us, not much food.

I awoke from this dream with a fright and lie there for a while, half asleep and half awake, thinking what would I do today if I was involved in some type of major calamity and had to escape the condo?

Would I fill my pockets with the twenty dollar bills I have stashed away in case the ATM's go down in a global space war, would I take a flashlight and batteries, would I take water and/or food and how would I carry everything?

Would my cell phone work? I would need to make sure I took my IDs and medications. I guess the cats would be on their own. What about clothing, to keep cool or to keep warm depending on the season.

Should I put together a "survival" kit or box so I could just grab it on the way out the door?

Finally I drifted off into an unbothered sleep until my alarm woke. I was exhausted but happy to be alive and looking forward to beginning my boring, usual, mundane day.