Joy

This is how I try to live my life. Thanks to photographer friend Jane Alt for bringing it to my attention and to Archbishop Desmond Tutu for having said it!

Panchamaya Kosha Session Six (Final One)

In overly simplified terms, the overriding concepts in Buddhism are that everything is nothing and nothing is everything. Everything is real and there is no one reality. We are all the same and we are all different. Therefore you are me and I am you. Perhaps one could say that Buddhism is the study of dichotomies.

I do not see Buddhism as an organized religion but rather a gathering of beliefs and techniques and teachings shared by a great prophet. How I approach them or use them is up to me to decide for myself. Some make sense others do not. Some I find comfortable to life others I do not.

Slowly, as I have learned mindful meditation, as I have picked up Yoga techniques, as I have become more familiar with Buddhist thought, as I have studied and read, I believe I have begun to not only learn about it but to experience "IT." You cannot really just learn about about it, you must directly experience it, and that is a very individual experience. That is what I call "IT."

For me, I can organize the "IT" into three concepts: 1) the essential self, 2) life as suffering, 3) joy as a choice.

Briefly, at all times we are able to be in touch with our essential self, that self which was there before all the "interference" of growing up, school, church, family, friends, relationships, society, life.

At times we can almost reach out and touch that essential self again if only but for a moment. Buddhism has taught me to look at life differently and therefore my belief systems have changed.

Everything is always changing and what causes us to suffer is our desperately try to hold on to life, to truth, to a moment, to make sense out of non-sense. We cannot hold on, we can only be in the moment. This is not easy as the fraction of a second in which we think about being in the moment we have lost that moment.

Being able to embrase this, I have found some relief from suffering through meditation and yoga and my studies of Buddhism, as I once again am able to "quiet the voices my head" and regain contact more often with my essential self, the pure essence of what I am and have always been.

I can choose joy because the suffering is really only me trying to hold onto something that is constantly changing, in a moment I am a different person than I was a moment earlier. In a moment the things I know and believe will be changed, those I love dearly will be gone, and then I will be gone.

If you are able to notice your quiet, inside thinking during the day, you will see that the mind is ALWAYS actively engaged in a dialog with yourself (actually a monologue.)

You are making decisions, making observations, making judgements, arguing, chatting etc with yourself, quietly, internally. You may notice that sometimes you even do this in a whisper and sometimes out loud.

By focusing ones attention on the breath, on the breath with added stretches, on the breath with stretches and added chanting; one can calm the mind and become more in touch with the emptiness or calmness that occurs when most of the "chatter" of the mind is turned off.

I know that to many of you this will sound like a lot of "gobble-do-gook," like "religious fanatism," like "hippi-dippi-do stuff." The true sign of UN-ENLIGHTENMENT is when someone talks about being enlightened.

I believe that for most of us enlightenment is something we are always moving just a little bit closer to, without ever arriving. I am just saying that for me Buddhism has been working.

It has given me peace and joy in my life and made my suffering more tolerable. No other religion I have studied, not Judaism into which I was born and whose traditions and sense of family I love, and no "understanding" of God has given me this much sought after sense of joy and peace.

I share my thoughts here for two reasons, not to boast or to say "I know the way, but rather: 1) I find that by documenting my life I am also processing my experiences, and 2) maybe it will speak to you in what every way you want to comfortably accept it, pursue it, use it.

•  •  •

Through the last five sessions of Panchamays Kosha Yoga, I have learned many valuable physical ways of clearing my mind so I can come closer in touch with my essential self more often: meditation, stretching, mindful breathing, chanting, and probably a few more techniques that I have either forgotten or internalized have helped me on this path.

The final session in this series of classes and consisted of a "putting together" of all of our experiences from the previous sessions. Probably the most important new part of this final class for me was learning about the Hamsa or Soham Mantra.

In some ways I find the concept MAGICAL! Simply speaking, it is a built in system that every living being is practicing 24/7. The difference is becoming aware of it.

Hamsa Mantra - a simple breath practice from:  http://www.yinyoga.com/ys2_2.2.7.3.1_hamsa_mantra.php

On average, twenty-one thousand, six hundred times a day we chant the mantra Hamsa. "Ha" is the sound of the breath on our exhalations and "sa" is the sound of the inhalations. Some traditions reverse this, and the mantra is called "So'ham" - we hear "hmmm" on the inhalation and a sighing "sa" on the exhalation. Iyengar says they are actually combined; every creature creates so'ham on the inhalation (which means "He am I") and hamsa on the exhalation (which means "I am He"). This is called the "ajapamantra." While we chant this barely audible mantra with each breath, we can feel energy moving within us. Close your eyes and notice the way your energy state is altered while you inhale and exhale. Experiment with hearing "ham" on the inhalation and "sa" on the exhalation. Does this feel energizing or calming for you? Next reverse it: hear "sa" on the inhalation and "ham" on the exhalation. Does this change the energetic feelings? Many teachers will claim that hamsa is energizing and so'ham is relaxing. They teach that when we hear so'ham, prana is descending. On hearing hamsa, shakti (energy) rises. Other teachers claim the exact opposite. Of course, we are all different; half of us are natural belly breathers, half are chest breathers. It is not surprising that everyone doesn't respond the same way. You will need to experiment and find out which form of hamsa breathing energizes you, and which form calms you. Once you know, then you are ready to employ this tool in your practice. Preparing for a Yin Yoga class, you may want to use the calming breath. Preparing for a yang practice, you may want to use an energizing breath. Of course, hamsa breathing can be used outside of your yoga practice too. We all have times in life when we are too stoked up and need to relax. The hamsa breath can be useful then. At other times, we need a quick boost of energy, and the opposite breath may be ideal. Instead of reaching, automatically, for that cigarette to calm you down, or that third cup of coffee or a cola to give you a pick-me-up, try working with the breath for a minute or two. You may be surprised at how effective it is, and it is a lot healthier. Thank you Corinne Peterson (http://www.corinnepeterson.com) for helping me on this path. It has been the first time in my life that I have found peace in a spiritual belief system. My "Search for God" series of writing and thinking and processing has brought me to this place where God per say is not the important thing to determine, but rather your relationship to yourself, your environment, your fellow beings, to everything living!

The God Test

Based on my concept of: The Quinternity.

THE GOD TEST OF MY MOTHER'S PASSING

TRUTH: The truth is that I cannot prevent my mother’s death. The truth is that death is part of life and if you live your life to its fullest you must embrace death to its fullest. The truth is that she had a wonderful number of years enjoying all her family around her on a daily basis, enjoying Gregory and me during our many phone calls and on our brief but love filled visits to Texas, enjoying time with newly made friends. The truth is that she was alert until the end, while not in too much pain, and got to say her goodbyes to each family member. The truth is that I could not up and go to TX to be with her during her final ordeal. The truth is that I called two or three times a day, sent flowers, sent candy, sent a picture of Gregory and me to put by her bedside. The truth is that I told her she should leave when she was ready and not to hold on for any of us.

LOVE: Our relationship was full of love, expressed and otherwise. We had no secrets of significance, no undiscussed issues, no resentment, no hate. 

FORGIVENESS: I forgive myself for feeling guilty at not going to her bedside. I forgive myself for all the pain and sorrow I caused her through our lives together knowing that I did my best. I forgive her for all the pain and sorrow she caused me through our lives together knowing that she did her best.

PEACE: Knowing the TRUTH, based on our LOVE for each other, and being able to have FORGIVENESS for the trespasses of the past, I am at peace with her passing.

FAITH: I have FAITH in the STATE OF MIND that is GOD to know that she is being watched over, as am I, during this joyous but difficult transition for both my mother and myself. I have faith in my abilities to deal with her passing and to live my life filled with love.

On FInding God: The Quinternity

On Finding God

December 2, 2009

“One of the main functions of formalized religion is to protect people against a direct experience of God.” 

C.G. Jung

The Past

I have always, until recently, avoided following a given religion or believing in God. I was raised Jewish, was Bar Mitzvahed, and certainly enjoy the traditions, stories, and foods of the Jewish Holidays. 

Judaism, however, based on what might be my limited study has never given me a feeling of peace or an understanding of why life unfolds as it does. It has not given me a “personal GOD” or a “direct experience with GOD.” It certainly has provided me with “questions” but certainly not the “answers” I am looking for.

I have some knowledge of the great religions of the world and not one feels any closer to meeting my needs, although I do appreciate the traditions, stories, and foods of many of those holidays as well. 

I have always said that I have Faith, but am not sure of Faith in what. I have always admired and envied people who could feel a personal GOD (recently I have been searching,) who could Believe (but in what,) who could find solace in Prayers (I don’t.) I have always described myself as a Spiritual Person not a Religious Person and while this has given me a way of explaining myself and my moral behavior, it hasn’t given me much Peace of Mind.

Being Gay doesn’t help. How can one believe in a religion which professes that we “Love Thy Neighbor” and then denies my love. How can any religion say they are all accepting and then not accept my life as I have inherited it and/or chosen it? How can any religion say I am OK as I am, as long as I do not practice who I am? But that is a topic for future discussion!

The Quest

Recently I have been studying this GOD conundrum. With my current, difficult life situation acting as a catalyst in my “Search for God,” I have sought a way to find peace, contentment, guidance, and quite honestly just a way to get outside of myself, my fears, my sadness, and my pain. I cannot imagine seeking drugs or alcohol to do so and have never been a person who buries his head in the sand or enjoys denial. So where do I go? Where do I turn?

In my recent studies, I have read the “Bible” (Old and New Testament,) “How to Practice The Way to a Meaningful Life” by the Dalai Lama, “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, “There is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem” by Wayne Dyer, “The Evolution of God” by Robert Wright, among others. I have had deep conversations with my Jungian therapist/psychologist Dr. Peter Demuth. I have drifted off to sleep thinking about my dilemma, my search. I have talked with friends. I have become more aware of similar “searches” in the fiction reading I have done and in the movies I have watched.

While my studies have not yet given me the Peace I am looking for, I believe I am getting closer. I think I have been able to condense what I have gained from all of these studies combined with my life experiences and have begun to see a common thread. I suspect that all of them have assisted me in being closer to obtaining Peace and eventually I will be able to say:

“I HAVE FOUND GOD!”

The Present

A breakthrough came when I entertained the possibility that there could be a SPIRITUAL GOD. Until now I have thought only of GOD in terms of the various formal religions and couldn’t find a fit for myself with this RELIGIOUS GOD. I therefore dismissed any GOD. But perhaps there is, instead, a SPIRITUAL GOD. And perhaps I have found him, or her, or that greater entity!

Even with this new awareness of the possibility of a SPIRITUAL GOD, but based on past history, I must work on not visualizing a white bearded old man who is benevolent or judging or punishing. I try not to visualize a young, good looking teacher with golden flowing hair. Or a Buddha? Or Allah? I must still work at not assuming the word GOD belongs to any particular formal religion. I continue to work at not accepting the Bible as GOD’s law, cannot accept words like Sin or Evil or Ten Commandments (in principal yes but not having been handed down on clay tablets,) and certainly cannot understand killing others in the name of GOD.

On the RELIGIOUS GOD’s side, formal religions vary. Catholicism has the Trinity: Father, Son, Holy Spirit (formerly The Holy Ghost.) Hinduism has the Brahman and his many representations in the form of deities. Islam and Judiasm have One God. Buddhism does not deny the existence of god but rejects subservience to any kind to a supreme God. 

Prayer to the RELIGIOUS GOD, for most people, seems to consist of begging or bargaining or pleading and reciting rote materials which look for, praise, or give thanks for an external existence and/or intervention. While praying at home is acceptable, going to a house of worship where one can “talk” with GOD, seems to get greater results and in some religions, the only place to get results.

NOW FOR THE EPIPHANY. “I’ll take curtain number 3 please”

epiphany |iˈpifənē|

noun ( pl. -nies) (also Epiphany)

the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi (Matthew 2:1–12).

1) the festival commemorating this on January 6.

2) a manifestation of a divine or supernatural being.

3)  a moment of sudden revelation or insight.

On the SPIRITUAL GOD’s side, I have found GOD to be a personal ... STATE OF MIND ... not an external entity. With a SPIRITUAL GOD, I have discovered that instead of a Trinity, or a “One God,” and closer to Buddhism’s lack of a Supreme God, for me a Quinternity exists. The QUINTERNITY of GOD as a STATE OF MIND includes: 1) Truth 2) Love, 3) Forgiveness, 4) Peace, and 5) Faith.

The five parts of the QUINTERNITY are related to and build on each other. This QUINTERNITY exists internally, has to do with how I think, and is part of my moral behavior. It does not exist externally, outside of me in a god, a heaven (and certainly not in Hell.) 

Also I have found SPIRITUAL PRAYER to be a STATE OF MIND that exists internally and reflects my understanding of the five parts of the Quinternity which are the basic principals which guide my life, my thoughts, my actions. Spiritual Prayer consists of meditating on these principals, drawing on them when needed, and in making them part of my daily life. I call this mediation THE GOD TEST of a situation.

The QUINTERNITY of the SPIRITUAL GOD as a STATE OF MIND

TRUTH: Behind every situation (action, event, thought, feeling, illness, response, etc) there is a Truth as to why it is happening or why it has happened. I believe that when one looks for, is aware of, and understands the “Truth in It,” one is better able to accept and deal positively with any situation. I also believe that merely by being aware that a Truth exists, even thought one may not understand the Truth itself (or that a particular Truth has been lost forever but at one time did exist,) one is better able to accept and deal positively with the situation. To me, GOD is the STATE OF MIND behind looking for the Truth in each situation.

LOVE: When you deal with each situation and approach every aspect of your life with Love for others and Love for yourself, you are acknowledging that we all come from and are part of the same Source. We all share similar experiences with differing levels of understanding of the Truth behind those experiences but in one way or another, we all share being alive. To me, GOD is the STATE OF MIND behind Love of self and others.

FORGIVENESS: When you acknowledge that everyone is somewhere along the continuum of awareness and understanding of Truth and Love; you realize that differences, conflicts, and negativity will arise. Forgiveness of others is the ability to realize that these differences, conflicts, and negativity are not personally directed at you and are not indicative of a failure on the part of others. Forgiveness of self is the ability to realize that these differences, conflicts, and negativity should not be blamed on others and are not indicative of a failure on your part. Forgiveness is the ability to move on. Forgiveness allows you to hold on to Truth and Love. To me, GOD is the STATE OF MIND behind Forgiveness of self and others.

PEACE: By always looking for the Truth behind the seemingly uncomfortable and difficult day to day occurrences in your life, by affirming with gratitude the Truth behind the seemingly pleasant and easy day to day occurrences in your life, and by doing so with Love and Forgiveness, conflict and negativity will be minimal or nonexistent. The feeling that comes with this state of being I call Peace. To me, GOD is the STATE OF MIND behind being at Peace.

FAITH: Having Faith allows you to hold on to the understanding that as life unfolds, through its joys and sorrows: (1) Truth exits even if it is not visible, (2) Love allows you to show respect and understanding for yourself and others, (3) Forgiveness allows each of us to be at our unique place on the continuum of Truth, Love, and Forgiveness, (4) Peace will be yours with these realizations, and (5) Faith will help you hold on to these understandings and help you live your life in a way that will allow you to find a Spiritual GOD, your personal GOD, the GOD within you, the GOD who is you, and to have a direct experience with GOD.