Friday, April 19, 2013

The God Test

Based on my concept of: The Quinternity.


TRUTH: The truth is that I cannot prevent my mother’s death. The truth is that death is part of life and if you live your life to its fullest you must embrace death to its fullest. The truth is that she had a wonderful number of years enjoying all her family around her on a daily basis, enjoying Gregory and me during our many phone calls and on our brief but love filled visits to Texas, enjoying time with newly made friends. The truth is that she was alert until the end, while not in too much pain, and got to say her goodbyes to each family member. The truth is that I could not up and go to TX to be with her during her final ordeal. The truth is that I called two or three times a day, sent flowers, sent candy, sent a picture of Gregory and me to put by her bedside. The truth is that I told her she should leave when she was ready and not to hold on for any of us.

LOVE: Our relationship was full of love, expressed and otherwise. We had no secrets of significance, no undiscussed issues, no resentment, no hate. 

FORGIVENESS: I forgive myself for feeling guilty at not going to her bedside. I forgive myself for all the pain and sorrow I caused her through our lives together knowing that I did my best. I forgive her for all the pain and sorrow she caused me through our lives together knowing that she did her best.

PEACE: Knowing the TRUTH, based on our LOVE for each other, and being able to have FORGIVENESS for the trespasses of the past, I am at peace with her passing.

FAITH: I have FAITH in the STATE OF MIND that is GOD to know that she is being watched over, as am I, during this joyous but difficult transition for both my mother and myself. I have faith in my abilities to deal with her passing and to live my life filled with love.

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