MIRACLE: The Date, The Time and A Dream

AS OF FEBRUARY 3, 2016, here is today's MIRACLE plus a listing of all the miracles I have experienced, sent by Gregory since he passed on October 4, 2015. All open in a new window so you won't get lost. I will update this post as new miracles take place.

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TODAY FEBRUARY 3, 2015

I woke at 4:56 am. Was pleased to have heard from Gregory after not having heard from him in a while. Then I realized that the clock also shows the date so the entire visual was: 2/3 4:56! You have read previously that I like to interpret these unique time sequences as a "wink," a "nod," a "hello" from Gregory nudging me awake to see his presence.

Next, I had what I call a "Work Oppressive Dream." I still dream about classroom events gone wrong and I haven't been a teacher for over 20 years! This one was about Gregory.

He was making copies of files using my new hp Color LaserJet Pro Printer. He had many files and was making three copies of each sheet in each file and the number of copies (and their cost) was piling up. One copy for the client, one was a work file, and one was to be kept at home.

First, I might mention that I recently purchased this printer because I wanted to not so much because I needed it. It was more expensive than a regular ink jet and the ink cartridges are more expensive, but the quality is superb and since I do not print all that much, I felt I could afford the upgrade.

In the dream I was angry with Gregory because he didn't need to make copies, he no longer needed to make copies, and through his Dementia I couldn't make him understand although I strongly tried. 

As we had in the past, until I learned to understand how to approach situations like this (especially learning that sometimes you just cannot explain things and rather have to distract the person) I kept up trying to explain and as I did I got more and more angry.

He just ignored me and continued making copies. Finally I woke up. In analyzing the dream as I lie there half awake, I came up with three possibilities.

1) I feel a little guilty at having a more expensive printing setup.

2) Gregory was doing his best to say Hi! which he did in the style of his "Maire You Are A Shit" type of humor I so loved. This part of the realization caused me to giggle as I drifted back to sleep. And/or 

3) I was meant to realize I no longer have to worry about "monitoring" his behavior and/or explaining, and/or getting angry at the sometimes silly things he did.

The interesting thing about this dream is that he was not just "present in the background" like so many dreams have been but rather he was an active part of a two person dream including only him and me.

• • •

1) The Kiss 
http://mhorvichcares.blogspot.com/2015/10/gregory-iii.html

2) The Candle
http://mhorvichcares.blogspot.com/2015/10/gregorys-last-days.html

3) The Dream
http://mhorvichcares.blogspot.com/2015/10/a-dream.html

4) The Meeting
http://mhorvichcares.blogspot.com/2015/12/the-meeting.html

5) The Bear
http://mhorvichcares.blogspot.com/2015/12/the-bear.html

6) The Christmas Moon
http://mhorvichcares.blogspot.com/2015/12/a-christmas-full-moon.html

7) The Threes (333)
http://mhorvich.blogspot.com/2016/01/miracles-threes.html

8) 1, 2, 3, 4!
http://mhorvich.blogspot.com/2016/01/yesterday-was-gregory-and-my-41st.html

9) 1, 2, 3, 4! ... and a Daily Word
http://mhorvich.blogspot.com/2016/01/miracle-9.html

10) Start It Said  and 11) 333 Again

http://mhorvich.blogspot.com/2016/01/miracles-10-and-11.html

12) Gigi Cares

http://mhorvich.blogspot.com/2016/01/last-night-at-bedtime-i-got-sad.html

13) A Gentle Blue Embrace

http://mhorvich.blogspot.com/2016/01/a-gentle-blue-embrace.html

14) Time Flies

http://mhorvich.blogspot.com/2016/01/a-miniature-museum-maire-memorial.html

Miracles: Threes

Today is Gregory and my 41st anniversary. Last night, before bedtime, I had a chat with him and reflected how strongly my love for him continues and how I will continue to live my life in a way that reflects and honors our love for each other.

It is said, "Until death do you part!" but that is not really true. If a love is real, it lasts forever, so even in death Gregory and my love for each other is paramount to me and, wherever his spirit may reside, I believe for him as well.

As I drifted off, I thought "Wouldn't it be nice if I could receive a 'visit' or 'sign" from Gregory in honor of our anniversary." My current thinking is that if one believes in something then it is true. So if I believe he hears me, and that I hear him, and that he watches over me, and that we are still together in my heart and in my soul, then it is true!

As I often do, I need to digress here. I promise I will return to the point of this post.

During the night, I often get up to pee. Sometimes I am awakened up by the cats roaming around so I tell them "Stobbit" (stop it) and they do. Sometimes my hip will hurt from lying on one side and the pain will wake me so I get up to stretch.

As a habit, when I am up during the night, I press the button on top of my clock to light up the time. I have taken to accepting unique times as a wink or nod or "hello" from Gregory. For example, our favorite time has always been 11:11, AM or PM. Times like 1:23 or 3:21 are fun. I really love 12:34 or 2:34, 3:45, 5:55 etc.

These unique number combinations do not occur that often but when they do, I smile and tell Gregory "I love you too!"

A further digression. I have written about the #3 as my lucky number and an important one in my life. Read about it here: http://mhorvich.blogspot.com/2016/01/three-3.html (Opens in a new window so you won't get lost.)

Now back to the point of this post. Last night for the first time I can ever remember and certainly for the first time since Gregory's death; I awoke, looked at the clock, and the time was: "3:33 AM." The answer to my having asked for a "sign." Not only a unique repetition of numbers but using my favorite one!

Wow, I considered that another Gregory Miracle! On our anniversary it was a very important wink, nod, reminder of our love. It has helped me feel cheerful today instead of sad. I am happy to be celebrating our 41st anniversary with loving memories of the wonderful time we had together.

Also, I celebrate Gregory's death and his "finding his way out," as he used to say, while I get to stick around for a while looking for mine. So far today I have not felt the need to grieve!

Circus Transition

Some thirty years ago I won a grant from the Illinois Arts Council based on my previous performances as a mime clown. With the grant money I put together a show called "Maybe-the-Clown and his Back Pocket Review." The joke was that the "Back Pocket Review" consisted of a table, two chairs, a life size doll dancing partner, many many props and a sound system; all toted around in a largish black trunk for a half hour show which consisted of drama, humor, magic, dancing, mime, and audience participation. Definitely not able to fit in the clown's back pocket. Maybe, the Clown was a white face clown dressed in a oversized tuxedo, white ruffled shirt with red bow tie, bright red "afro" wig, top hat, and red sponge nose.

Since those some thirty years ago I have periodically had what are called "Work Oppressive Dreams" in which I am about to begin the 30-minute show and part of my costume was left behind, the makeup won't go on correctly, props are missing or malfunctioning, the batteries from the sound system have lost their charge, I've forgotten the routine, or worse the audience is uncooperative if not rebelious. I am sure there is a message one should get from having this type of dream, which I am sure you have had sometime as well, but I won't go into that here.

So the motivation for this post comes from last nights most unusual dream. I, in the role of Maybe-the-Clown, had joined a smaller family circus. It was a joyful place to be and I was beginning to get to know the other performers. I had experienced my first performance and while I was not at my best, everything came off well. I made my entry cues, the audience loved me, the magic worked, the dancing was fun. I was continuing to work on my timing and getting used to the daily on and off stage schedule which would allow my performance to run more smoothly. I would wake up smiling, go back to sleep, and pick up where the dream left off.

When I woke up in the morning I realized that some kind of transition had taken place. Never before in the last thirty or so years had I had a dream in which the clown had his act together, so to speak. I'll let you see if there is a message here.