Gratefulness: A Mindful Condition

This video came across my e-mail this morning and watching it moved me.

I am aware of how grateful I am for my life, my family, my friends, my place in this world.

At times I feel undeserving and at times so sad when I see how little others have.

I am so troubled when I see how governments, nature, and even other people make it so difficult or close to impossible for our fellow human beings to experience those things I am so fortunate to have and sometimes easily take for granted.

But I  believe that a lesson for me is that even those unfortunate ones show the ability to be grateful for the little they have and that gives me hope for the future.

Perhaps my use of the word unfortunate is based on my point of view and not theirs.

This hope for the future, however, doesn't allow me to be less grateful or to pass up the opportunity to spread joy to those with whom I come into contact but it does give me hope for a better world.

I resolve to keep my awareness at a mindful level in everything I see, everything I do, and everyone I come across.

http://gratefulness.org

La Casa Norte and More Than Ever Education Fund

Sol,

Good morning. After yesterday’s meeting, I wanted to sit down and form, in writing, my thoughts about the More Than Ever Education Fund/La Casa Norte relationship. 

I could not be any more pleased, think of any better match, know of any other of my relationships to be as strong and meaningful, or be any more supportive of a cause that is such an important one to me.

I wanted to again reaffirm how grateful I am to be part of the La Casa Norte family! And I DO mean family! I always feel so welcome when I arrive at one of the LCN facilities or at a LCN function. I have made many friendships over the years with staff and fellow donors and enjoy them each time I am greeted by a smiling face and a hug. Sol, our friendship continues to grow over time and I look forward to its becoming stronger in professional as well a personal ways. “Let’s go out for Cuban!” Working with Jessica, Angela, Lorena, Emily, Katie, Alejandro, Marco, and so many others is always fun, meaningful, easy, and supportive. 

I so admire the work you have done and do on behalf of LCN and am in awe of the number of families and youth confronting homelessness which your work has touched and the number lives improved you have been part of. I know that it takes a team and that you have not done this alone, but the director of any organization affects each person in that organization and each person who received that organization’s support. Your direction has been done in a way that each person feels more committed, more involved, and more responsible in meeting LCN’s mission as well as giving the families and youth with whom we work a great feeling of success, comfort, security, acceptance, and support !

In many ways you and LCN have made my job easy. While I know I have put a lot of effort into the success of the MTE Education Fund, it also seems like all I have to do is “show up” and wave to the crowd! I certainly could not have done all we have done by myself and knowing that LCN and you and your staff are behind me is very comforting and very gratifying!

Gregory and I have been long time friends of LCN and done much for LCN over the years but our most current efforts (kiddingly) have NOT met our expectations if only because we NEVER expected to be able to do such good for so many so easily so quickly … and, again, while Gregory and I continue to “show up,” you guys work so hard to make it all possible. We are grateful.

I want to reiterate that in whatever ways you see fit to use the funds we have raised, I will agree. I do not profess to be an expert but part of my giving to you and La Casa Norte is making myself available with  my education background, my experience with youth and the kind of work LCN does, and in my “Holy Krap I Can’t Believe I’m 72 Years Old” wisdom as well as “Hohoho, have a candy cane!" I am grateful to be part of the “Youth in College” program and "More Than Ever Education Fund" resource team. I find my creative self, my educational self, and my personal self stimulated because of being a part of the time and it gives me purpose in my life.

Just one minor apology, “Willy Nilly” was a totally inaccurate term to use. And I again want to make sure you correct it to read, “A work in progress,” “Fine tuning,”  “Thinking on one’s feet,” “Running to keep up with the need,” etc. I have already learned so much from you and look forward to learning more about this thing called “Charitable Organization” and "Fund Raising!” 

I look forward to many years of close collaboration before we have to begin giving out the Michael A. Horvich Scholarship Fund and/or the Michael A. Horvich Leadership Award! I look forward to the “ship coming in” and seeing what good we can do with that!

Fondly as well as with love,

Michael (and Gregory)

Decades Come and Decades Go

Below is a list of the "positives" of my life and the seeming "negatives." The negatives I am working on and recently decided to return to sessions with Peter, my therapist. While I have so much for which to be grateful, so many wonderful and supportive friends and family, so many exciting projects - personal as well as altruistic, I feel a pall of sadness following me through it all.

Gregory's two-year passing anniversary is nearing, October 4th, and while it has become easier I continue to grieve the loss. I miss him so. Maybe what I grieve is living my life alone without my best friend, or just getting older I grieve my youth. I shared all of this with my niece Colleen during her visit last weekend and she lovingly asked me to remove the last item on Page #2. 

I replied the following: Sure. Remove the item in question. I know that I am not biding my time … but I do know it is lurking there in the future. At my age, the end is closer rather than farther but how grateful I am that I have had all this time to enjoy and work with life and I look forward to what lies ahead!

The decades get more difficult to spend when you are older. I am ... and hopefully will be able to continue "spending" them wisely. 

40 to 50 is frightening but no big deal.

50 to 60 is surreal but tolerable.

60 to 70 is unbelievable, how did I get here so quickly.

Now comes the tough part. 70 to 80, like wow. I am still alert, aware, agile, somewhat productive although certainly slower than I was.

80 to 90? Wow! If I AM still alert, aware, agile and somewhat productive that will be not only a blessing but in many ways a miracle. 

THEN 90 to 100? Ouch.

So while I know (and hope) that my death is not imminent, the decades may be responsible for the “pall” I discussed with you, getting older gracefully is not easy but I am working at it!

POSITIVES: (* = while positve, also creates stress)

* Memoirs

* Alzheimer’s: The Musical

* Alzheimer’s: The Poetic Opera

   Guest Columns in Windy City Times

   Board Member Floating Opera Company

   Floating Opera Incubator

* Added Michael’s Museum Collections possibility

* Reverend Michael in D.C. (October) wedding of God Daughter Whitney

   San Pancho Mexico (January)

   Michael’s Recent Alzheimer’s Presentations:
          Northshore Univ Health Division of Palliative Care and Hospice, 
          United Methodist Church of LaGrange Illinois,
          University of Chicago Middle School Students,
          Lieberman Center for Health and Rehabilitation,
          Sherman Plaza Book and Social Club, 
          Dementia Alliance International Australia,
          Pritzker School of Medicine,
          Northwestern University Kellogg Graduate School of Business,
          Battle Creek Alzheimer's Association, and
          Battle Creek Congregational Church.

   Friends over Dinner

   Attend Theater/Opera/Musicals

   Entertaining

   Out of Town Guests

   Meditation (Daily)

   * Buddhist Retreat (August)

   Continued Condo Refinement

   Publishing Gregory’s writing posthumously

   Volume III of “Sit With Me A While” poetry

   “A Relationship of Writers: A writing memoir with Chris Peterson”
   Continued feelings of gratitude and joy

NEGATIVES (stated positively?:)

—Gregory’s Remains Dispersal

—Regular Meals

—Disciplined Food Choices

—Weight loss

—Exercise

—Therapy 

—Urologist 

—Rheumatologist 

—Travel

—More ambition

—Rather stay at home

—Naps

—Avoiding Depression

—Identifying feeling sad - Pall

—More crying but less overwhelmed

—Different attitudes towards friends 

—BIDING MY TIME UNTIL I DIE?

Mine And Well Deserved

These are my hips and they can ache if they want to. These are my rotator cuffs and they can hurt when they want to. This is my lower back and if it needs to go out of alignment, I give it my permission. This is my headache and I am entitled to it although I might share it with a few aspirin.

My body has served we well for seventy-two years. Short of major surgery, which luckily exists if necessary, there is no neighborhood service shop that can oil my joints, retread my feet, tune up my muscle composition, rotate my blood vessels, alter my body mass, or refill my visual ability.

I have earned my pain over the years, variously through accident, injury, neglect, wear and tear, or just plain old age. And I am grateful to my body for the life force that it continues to deliver to me each and every day, especially since I wake up each morning, whether I want to or not. (And I still do!)

I do not complain  and do not talk about my aches and pains as part of the communication involved with friends or family or feel the need to do so, but for some reason as I was in bed at 12:34 noon today to take a well-deserved nap, I notice my hips were aching and I thanked them, welcomed the "zetz" (as they say in Yiddish) they were giving me, and rolled over to doze off.

I could talk about the same with my looks, the increased girth, the extra folds, the hair in unexpected places, the lack of energy, the increased difficulty in climbing stairs, pushing a table into place but hurting my wrist before the table even begins to move, the decrease in libido but none the less the continued desire and need for fantasy. 

I am grateful for and to them all! Signs of being alive: enjoying the changes in the seasons, the holidays that come and go, the excellent meals prepared by friends or enjoyed at the newest neighborhood place, a good deep afternoon nap, a one beer limit; I love them all!

Many in the Gay Community are still youth-oriented, at my stage of life I still enjoy looking at and thinking about what it would be to lay with a youth but if I am really honest with myself, who would want me, would I remember what to do if I had the opportunity, and would I be able to perform? Probably not, but who cares because most likely I will get to see tomorrow's sunrise and that is enough!

Panchamaya Kosha Session Five

This session dealt with the level of joy or spirit, tapping into that which is greater than ourselves. This was done, again, by weaving breathing, stretching, chanting, and meditation through several cycles of activities.

For some reason all were difficult for me today. I am hoping that as I continue to loose weight and increase my exercising, my breathing will be able to be held longer and deeper.

We inhaled and exhaled, then added stretches to the inhaling and stretching, then added chanting to the inhaling and exhaling. My bass voice made a nice harmony to the soprano of most of the women in the class but I could not hold the chant.

In the relaxed sense of the activities, Corinne makes one feel comfortable at whatever level they are able to function, I found myself double breathing to her normal breaths. I focused on my breathing in and then out when Corinne breathed in and then I took another in and out on Corinne's out. I tried to add to the chant as much as possible.

During one of the meditations Corinne suggested we focus on joy through the vehicle of gratitude and how and where that felt in the body. I found it in my upper chest and head. They both felt light and buoyant.

During the Yoga Nidra mindful meditation rest, at the end of the session, when Corinne was guiding us towards the feelings of joy and gratitude, I found myself floating away from her guidance and found myself standing at the bottom of a wide stairway in a calm, lightly colored marble feeling stairwell with a glow of light at the top, the origin of which I could not see.

As long as I was there, I decided to climb the stairway to see what was at the top. It was so easy to climb and my steps were so light, that I almost felt like I was floating. But I wasn't. When I got to the top I found myself at the head of a huge room, again lightly colored with a marble like texture, and the room was bathed on a glow of light.

There were no windows or doors or any other decoration in the room but I did see that the room was filled with countless desks and sitting at those desks, on telephones, were who I decided were angels, spirit guides, and master teachers. They were all very busy and didn't notice me. I had the sense that some were talking to "clients" and others were doing "research."

The purpose of the facility was to help people solve their problems. I had the strong sense that there was never a failure in finding solutions and the entire room was filled with happiness, joy, and gratitude over the work of the participants and their clients.

At the end of the class, when Corinne added the additional possibility of ritual, she passed around a bowl of Rose Quartz crystals. We each took one, held it in our hand, and finished the meditation. As I looked at the rock, I realized that it was the color and texture of that stairwell, those stairs, and the walls of the hall upstairs.

See full Rose Quartz article Crystal Meanings @ CrystalsAndJewelry.com.

"Rose quartz is often called the "Love Stone. Emotionally, rose quartz is used to balance emotions and bring peace and calm. All these things carry energies of forgiveness, tolerance, and compassion to the fore, enabling us to see the good in both ourselves and others. It is used in crystal healing to heal and release emotional wounds and traumas. Divine unconditional love and enhancing our inner awareness of such also brings ease of overwhelming or unreasonable guilt, bringing healing from this which we impose on ourselves."

COPYRIGHT @2002-2014: All Rights Reserved by Robyn A Harton unless otherwise noted.

Happy Thanksgiving