A Window Not a Mirror

"To stand up in front of people and bare your soul is a very difficult thing to do. But if you believe in your story, you must stand up proudly and speak clearly. Life is not a mirror but rather a window. You must keep the glass clean so you can see out and so that people can see in."

This is my version of a quote from the great opera star Dame Janet Baker, who celebrated her 85th birthday this week, and Joyce DiDonato

Beyond the Grave

I chose the title of this post with tongue in cheek. But read on and you will see.

Gregory's remains live in his Grandma Carrie's antique sewing box on the bookcase shelf in my bedroom, on the side of the bed which is Gregory's.

Periodically I rearrange the shelf, taking away some adding others. Currently, the shelf if much simpler with the box in the middle, the photograph of Gregory to the left, a photo collage of Gregory growing up to the right.

In front of each frame is a small wooden tray, one holding some of Gregory's favorite dark chocolate Godiva candy and the other holding three felted hearts and one red stone heart. A small flowering plant sits in a terra-cotta pot. A battery-run flickering candle serves a 24 hour vigil.

Two nights ago as I was dozing off, a crash woke me to sitting upright. I flicked on the light, knowing that a cat had gotten into trouble and sure enough, Emma has pushed the stone heart off Gregory's shelf onto the floor. I bawled her out saying, "Bad cat! You know better!" 

Then I laughed to myself saying, "If Gregory's spirit had pushed the heart onto the floor I wouldn't have been so angry, would I have? I imagine that a soul in the spirit world would have to exert a really large amount of energy to move something in this world so I discounted Gregory's involvement and credited Emma.

Last night, as I was once more dozing off, a crash woke me again to the upright position. I flicked on the light, jumped out of bed and crossed over to Gregory's shelf. Sure enough one of the wooden trays with its felted hearts had crashed to the floor. And there sat Emma looking guilty. Again "Bad cat! You know better!" Again I laughed at wondering if maybe Gregory had pushed the tray to the floor.

Let me add a caveat. Gigi is the pusher, not Emma. But Gigi respects Gregory's shelf and while she visits it almost every night before bedtime, she never pushes or plays with anything on the shelf. She might smell it, or look very closely at it, but never pushes or plays. And Emma generally is not known for her "pushing."

So it occurred to me, that while it would take a great amount of spirit energy to push something to the floor in this world, how much energy would it take for Gregory's spirit to convince Emma that she should push the heart, then push the tray, then sit there innocently? So maybe Gregory's spirit was involved after all!

Did You Have A Good Day?

Last night as I was going to sleep, I turned towards Gregory's remains in Grandma Carries Sewing Box and wished him a Good Night. I next offered, "Hope you had a good day."

This comment caused my next thought and a string of wonderings. When you are in the spirit plane do you have days and nights? Are you aware of time and its passage. Isn't every day a good day. Or at least different?

What is it like to not have a physical body about which to think, or worry, or dress, or shave, or take a dump? Does the spirit sit in a chair, or lie down, or just hover in the air. Or are you just part of the air?

Without the need to eat do you get hungry? Do you think about your favorite foods or yearn to once more taste? Do you yearn to hug and kiss me as much as I yearn to hug and kiss you?

Perhaps a way to look at it is: You are me and I am you, at least on your plane. I can only imagine. So if I am good to myself, if I enjoy and had a good day, if I laugh or enjoy a favorite hot dog; is that good enough for you?

If I am being good to myself, am I then being good to you and are we laughing together and enjoying the extra onions, easy on the mustard, holding each other in a loving embrace?

As my Intuitive America Martinez told me, Gregory, you and I are still breathing the same air, seeing the same things, feeling the same feelings but in your case only with love. You have no need to worry so perhaps I do not either?

Carrying on a non-physical relationship with an entity who is no longer of the earth is not easy but I still need to hold on to you and always will, Gregory my love, and personify you and imagine you and carry you with me in my soul, my mind, my heart.

Love never ends if it is true.