New York City: Fiddler on the Roof

Last night I arrived in NYC and a few hours later attended the first of seven shows to which I have tickets.

The show was “Fiddler on the Roof” sung in Yiddish and directed byJoel Gray. More than one tear was shed as the story unfolded itself and each tear surprised me!

First the cast was for the most part young, energetic, and talented. I envied them being in a Broadway musical.

Then the story of a people who through no fault of their own, just because they were Jewish, were shunned, attacked, and eventually forced to move from the home, their homeland just for being who they were.

So unfair yet they accepted their fate with dignity and continued hope for a better future. They believed that their God had his reasons which helped them survive. Family was the most important part of their life. And tradition!

Being Jewish is something I do not too often express and or live out, but for some reason this production of Fiddler, especially because it was sung and spoken entirely in Yiddish was amazingly moving. I once again realized how strongly I identify with my heritage, history, and tenants (for the most part) of the Jewish religion, even though I do not formally practice the religion.

While I have become who I am based in part of my being raised Jewish, I have little connection the religion or with family for that matter. I regret this but also know that it is what I have chosen and fulfills other parts of who I am.

It is a trade off and as I get older the regrets surface more strongly if only because there are fewer and fewer of my family left living to me. I am also aware that the regrets come from the fantasy of what family could and should be and often despite this, what it is not.

Another reason the musical moved me was because of my being Gay. For so many years, I was not accepted for who I was/am. I had to address and create my own milestones since I had stepped outside the social norm.

A tear was shed that I was not able to celebrate openly my love for Gregory and not able to profess that love to family and friends at a formal wedding celebration. And now I can only celebrate him as a memory.

Most often when attending a Broadway Musical, I come home depressed because I the fantasy of wanting to be part of that world, to be young and talented, to be able to express my life in music and song, to begin my life at 8:00 each evening (2:00 of there is a matinee) and to know what will happen with each light cue or dialogue presentation. This has been a fantasy since I can remember.

 Fiddler, sung in Yiddish, depressed me and moved me and celebrated me in ways that surprised me ... all in a good way!

Catch Up (While not allowed on Chicago Vienna Dogs ... is Allowed on New York Sabrette's Dogs

Thirteen (13) days since my last post. When Gregory was still alive, especially towards the end of his journey with Dementia (most likely Alzheimer's,) I would write every day on the Alzheimer's BLOG and sometimes several times. I guess the urgency of communicating with someone, anyone; the need to process and document kept me motivated to write.

Now, almost three years after his death (I use the word death rather than "passing" because it makes it more real to me,) my life has settled into a calmer, somewhat simpler, more compassionate, more generous, and mindful way of living.

For the most part, I only do what I want to do rather than what I have to do. I have very few in any concerns, fears, or for that matter unrealistic expectations (at least based on my opinion of what expectations might be :-)

I have plenty of time to work on my numerous projects including constantly refining the condo. I have come to think of "Refining the Condo" as an art form. Make it efficient yet beautiful, make it simple yet complex, display as many of my collections as possible while still having people say, "Your place is so peaceful."

I am working in earnest on the "book" for my in-progress musical called "ALZHEIMER'S: A Musical Love Story." It is a painful process but after several months of writer's block, I now add to it every day. I really believe that the world is ready for a musical like this.

It has three threads woven together in a few hours of entertainment that hopefully, people will actually pay to see, as well as be moved, and experience, and learn! Thread One: A beautiful love story. Thread Two: Living well with Alzheimer's. Thread three: Gay Liberation (since Gregory and I, in our 41 years together, experienced all of the contemporary milestones (and millstones) in the LGBTQ+ community which brought us to this point in history.

I also have an opera, "ALZHEIMER'S: The Opera," up my sleeve. I continue to work on my memoirs, trying to reduce the number of hardback pages from 1,000 to a more reasonable number of pages which someone might actually want to buy and read! There is currently nothing on the market dealing with Alzheimer's and the LGBTQ community.

I have been and will continue to make presentations to the public which tell Gregory and my story of living well with Dementia. It always seems to be engaging to my audiences and well received. Q and A's after the presentations are spontaneous and keep me on my toes, hopefully helping those who ask the questions.

Here is a list of past presentations, future presentations, and ones in the work.

DONE

1. University of Chicago Middle School Students, the Lieberman Center for Health and Rehabilitation, 
2. United Methodist Church of LaGrange Illinois
3. Sherman Plaza Book and Social Club
4. NorthShore University Health Care System Division of Palliative Care and Hospice
5. Dementia Alliance International out of Australia
6. Pritzker School of Medicine - Medical Students Interest Group
7. Northwestern University Kellogg Graduate School of Business
8. Great Lakes Alzheimer’s Association
9. Battle Creek Congregational Church. 
10. Pride Film & Plays “An Evening with Michael and his Alzheimer’s Love Story”
11. Pritzker School of Medicine II - Medical Students Interest Group
12. 33rd Annual Alzheimer’s Disease International Conference - Chicago
13. Proud Seniors Greece - May 2018 - Athens
14. Teepa Snow Online Newsletter July 2018

FUTURE

1. Evanston Art Center - June 2019
2. Center on Halsted - Senior Voice Group - Sept 6, 2018
3. Lori La Bay - “Alzheimer’s Speaks Radio.” - Sept 11 - Live, Sept 13 Re-broadcast
4. Keynote speaker and break out session leader for MAYO Clinic and MN-MD Conference - March 2, 2019 - Minneapolis, MN

POSSIBLE

1. Evanston Unitarian Church 
2. Article in Anthology
3. JT and his documentary on Alzheimer’s
4. KAREFIRST
5. Intentional Caregiving Inc
6. DePaul University
7. Northwestern University's Buddy Program for Dementia
8. Rush Presbyterian St Luke

My recent trip to NYC after many many years was a "trip." I got to spend a wonderful lunch with a friend from college whom I have not seen nor talked to in some 30-35 years. We still had a lot in common and many wonderful memories. We also had some not so wonderful memories as we remembered all the friends we lost to HIV/AIDS during the heat of the epidemic of what was called "The Gay Disease!"

Really enjoyed the musicals "Dear Evan Hanson" and "The Band Visits." Enjoyed the legitimate theater "Boys in the Band" and "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child." 

Enjoyed a slice of "New York Pizza" (flat crust) and a hot dog (definitely not Vienna Kosher) from a street vendor. Visited the new Whitney Museum of American Art and the elevated, deserted elevated railroad now changed into a wonderful elevated park that traverses several miles of Manhattan.

Especially enjoyed, and this was the reason for my going to NYC in the first place: the 35th-anniversary reunion concert of "Pump Boys and Dinettes Concert" at Feinstein's Under 54 Supper Club. 

John, Gregory's college roommate and best friend, was one of the composers and stared on Broadway 35 years ago in "Pump Boys and Dinettes." It is a wonderful "feel good" musical that deals with living in a small town, life, love, and Highway 57. Four men play piano, guitar, bass, and electric guitar while they pump gas and repair cars;  two women keep them in tow and serve pie at the attached dinette.

Here is a video from 35 years ago when the show had been nominated for a Tony:

And here is a video from the reunion concert in which I tip the waitresses the same way Gregory and I did some 35 years earlier when we saw the production on New York:

It was wonderful visiting with John whose family became OUR friends as John married Moreen and had three children: Gabe, Grace, and Amelia. It was also good visiting with Grace, now full-grown and in college, who came to NYC from Los Angeles with her dad.

Gabe, by the way, was one of the people who made the documentary ALZHEIMER'S: A Love Story possible. The documentary was part of his coursework at Chapman University, Dodge School of Media Arts, in Orange, California. It went on to be accepted to over 90 film festivals worldwide and won over 35 awards including two from the American Pavilion at the Cannes Film Festival!

My cats, Emma and Gigi, continue to give me great love, affection, and joy as well as cat hair and dirty liter boxes. They both just turned 4 years old.

Emma

Gigi

What a lot about me but since it is my BLOG I can do what I want to! Hahaha, I guess you can understand why while I have been writing, it has been project-based and not necessarily showing up on this BLOG.

Here is a link to a recent article which was published in "Positive Care in Dementia Online Newsletter." which has a subscription of 20,000 readers. Will be interesting to see if there is any response to the article. Click here to go to "ALZHEIMER'S: A Love Story" (Opens in a new window.)

Placing Myself

I find that as I get older, I have been "placing myself."

Placing myself in time and in location. I am not sure why this is or what purpose it serves. It is not that I do not know what time it is or where I am, this is not the onset of Dementia, this is not me being confused.

This is something that might have to do with Gregory's being gone and my living alone.

It might have to do with my aura growing larger as I gain more wisdom and become enlightened? Although just saying I might be becoming more enlightened shows I am not!

It could be that as an outgoing, extroverted person I do not have enough people around enough of the time with whom to have conversations.

I find that as I am drifting off to sleep or drifting back awake, I will shout or talk out.

Apart from sleep time, during wake time I will address whom? Myself? Gregory? Someone imagined in the room or someone in my dream? Or just the air around me?

"How about that then!" I will say. Or "What do you think about that?" "How could that be?" "Well now!" "I guess that is that." "What next?" "Yum, that was delicious."

For most of my retired life, 24 years now, I always knew what day of the week it was and weekend days seemed more important than others and carried weekend events of their own. Now I find myself asking Siri, "Hey Siri, what day is today?" Often Wednesday or Thursday afternoon feels like Saturday or Sunday morning. I seem to check my computer's calendar more often.

On the location side, some 25 years later, I will still have work oppressive dreams where my classroom is being set up in September or dismantled in June. My students and/or parents will be rude, disrespectful, angry and demanding. The principal will be chastising, criticising, or evaluating me as "poor."

Other times I will be running workshops on Alzheimer's, life skills, Buddhism. Solving the problems of the world or stating in concise theory, complex ideas. I will be unraveling truths so fast that when I do wake I no longer remember them to guide my own life.

I will say out loud, "Wow, I am in my condo and I love it here." "I am blessed." "I am fortunate. I am grateful." or "OK, Show Time," when a movie or TV program begins."

I will shout in the garage going to or coming from my car just to hear myself, especially as it echoes and reverberates off the extensive concrete surrounding. "Hello Garage."

"Wow!" as I remember an event or idea. Or "OK" loudly as I complete an idea on my blog or in the preparation for an upcoming presentation.

Recently while visiting New York City, I found myself naming the city as I walked around 42nd street or on my way to a theater engagement: "New York City, here I am!"

My friend Roger talks about "Old Man Noises." These refer to the grunting, breathing, sighing and other noises older folks seem to make when sitting down, standing, lifting objects, climbing stairs, etc. He admonishes, "Avoid making Old Man Noises!"

Maybe I am just experiencing "Old Man Comments?" When asked about my talking to myself, I am told, "As long as you do NOT answer yourself." But I do! Now what?

Originally an E-Mail to My Wonderful Friend Barbara D

Live is good. Continuing to “organize” the condo bit by bit. A little compulsive but “control those things you can control!” Found some doors and drawers on Craig’s list for cabinets in my closet which are no longer made. Had a road trip to pick them up in West Bend, Wisconsin. Went with Ken, one of Gregory’s companions with whom I continue to friend and feel family towards. He finished his MA in Psychology and now had a therapist job in Chicago. We get together for dinner, movies, and other adventures every two to four weeks. His father died recently and I think my mentorship has served both the kid and me as well.

Am making a presentation to the 34th Annual Alzheimer’s Disease Association International at the end of July. They are out of UK, first started 34 years ago actually here in Chicago. Their annual meetings travel the world and they are back here. I submitted a proposal and was accepted to be one of their break out session presenters on “Living Well with Alzheimer’s.”

I will also get the chance to visit in person with new friends I have made on Facebook with Dementia/ Alzheimer’s interests. They will be coming here from Austrailia, New Zealand, England, Canada, and Nigeria. I’ll be staying at the Marriott Marquis, an elegant hotel attached to McCormick Place where the conference is being held. Instead of driving back and forth each day, I’ll be on site for the four days of the conference.

Will have an article in Teepa Snow’s PATIENT ALZHEIMER’S CARE free online journal which has a subscribership of 20,000 readers. I’ll post about it. Should appear around July 17. Will be interesting to see what kind of responses/reactions I’ll get. Teepa Snow, love that name, is a world wide caregiver consultant who not only is GREAT and one of the most compassionate people I know, but has build a large organization supporting caregivers around the world. The article will also have a link to my books of poetry and the documentary.

I produced a “one man show” called "ALZHEIMER’S: A Lost Story" for a local LGBTQ theater in town. Sold 30 tickets (first time I was the star of the show not a presenter.) It was well received by an engaged audience. 30 minute presentation followed by the documentary followed by Q&A followed by wine and cheese fellowship in the lobby.

Am planning a presentation in Evanston at the Evanston Art Center in their new home on Central Street with documentary and comments on “The making of a documentary” and “The importance of art for people with Dementia/Alzheimer’s followed by a panel discussion by people in the art field. Since the center is sponsoring it, they want a bent towards the arts and I can do that. During the Q&A issues of living well with Alzheimer’s are bound to come up. 

Finally after our annual July 4 immediate world party, a visit from my favorite niece, and a visit from a very good friend who moved recently to Portland,  I will be in NYC to see the 35th Year  Reunion Concert of “Pump Boys and Dinettes.” Gregory’s favorite college room mate who was one of the writers and performers in the musical when it had a successful run on Broaday. His son was instrumental in creating the documenary.

Since I’ll be in NYC I am going to see the revival of “Boys in the Band,” and “Dear Evan Hanson” and “The Band Visits” and the two part play “Harry Potter and the Cursed Stone.” The presentation for 34th ADI is a few days after I return from NYC.

Finally, a variation of the “Getting Older” essay I shared with you will be in the Chicago Area Gay newspaper Windy City Times as my fourth guest column.

Yes I am doing well and am keeping busy. How did I ever have time to work?

Coincidental or Mystical

Amazing coincidences! Pictured are Gregory and me with Gregory's best friend from college John Schimmel. The Schimmel family became best friends to Gregory and me over the years and we organized John and Maureen's wedding at the Redfield House in the Grove in Glenview, Illinois. 

John is father to Gabe Schimmel who is responsible for bringing ALZHEIMER'S: A Love Story to Chapman University and 90 worldwide film festivals and 35+ awards including two from the American Pavilion at the Cannes Film Festival. 

John was writer and actor in Pump Boys and Dinettes, a musical that was on Broadway in 1982/83. Gregory and I were in the audience for several of the NYC performances. 

A revival concert of Pump Boys is being performed at Feinstein's 54 Below in NYC on July 22 and I will be in the audience. Today is the day I bought my tickets and this photograph shows up on Facebook. Meant to be? Etherial? Mystical? Magical?

More Information about Pump Boys and Dinettes: Pump Boys And Dinettes, a band as well as a show, ran for 577 performances on Broadway in 1982-83 while earning a Tony nomination for Best Musical. The original cast—Debra Monk, Cass Morgan, Jim Wann, John Foley, John Schimmel, and the late Mark Hardwick—were downtown New Yorkers with Southern musical roots who created “a singular mixture of country-pop concert and musical theatre… [the show] doesn’t merely celebrate the value of friendship and life’s simple pleasures, it embodies them” (Stephen Holden, The New York Times).

Now, for the first time since their Broadway run, the creators of this pioneering work for actor-musicians will be onstage together to play and sing their score and tell their stories. Bob Stillman will join on piano, and yes—there will be a Pump Boys raffle! It’s been 37 years – now join the original Pump Boys & Dinettes for an unforgettable reunion concert!

It's All About Churros

I am on a subway car in New York City with a three other people. I do not know them but we share the subway ride experience in common. It is as if we are all going to the same party.

I am young, vital, in shape, good looking. I have the underlying feeling (which I usually have when in NYC) that there is so much of what is going on in this amazing city and I am missing most of it. 

Read: Anxiety over not being able to be in the right place at the right time and missing most of the opportunities around me including the “sexual seething” that is Gay New York!

The blond, beautiful, vibrant woman overflowing with exuberance asks to borrow my sweater. She disappears at the next stop taking it with her. 

The older, good looking man excuses himself from joining us in the experience looking off into the distance, and gets off one stop later. 

The third person is a friendly, attractive, “old soul” Latina girl, maybe 18 or 20 years old. I ask her to come back to my place as I think I could fall in love with her.

She thanks me and refuses by saying: “It’s all about Churros." She goes back to reading her graphic paperback novel.

So it is all about the Churros. The blond woman doesn’t even know they exist. The older man makes Churros at home but doesn't have anyone with whom to share them. My problem is that I know Churros are sweet but I am always looking for the perfect one! Or the next better one.

I think I’ll get off at the next stop.

(Churros, sometimes referred to as a Spanish doughnut, are fried-dough pastry-based snacks, sometimes made from potato dough, that originated in Spain. They are popular in Latin America, France, Portugal the United States,and Spanish-speaking Caribbean islands. The snack gets its name from its shape, which resembles the horns of the Churro breed of sheep reared in the Spanish grasslands of Castilla. There are two types of churros in Spain. One is thin (and usually knotted) and the other, especially popular in Madrid, is long and thick (porra). They both are normally eaten for breakfast dipped in hot chocolate that is almost as think as chocolate pudding. Wikipedia.)

Written November 2008