Cat Routines

Gigi (l) Emma (r)

It is bedtime. I am snuggled in with the lights off and the white noise on. The feather comforter is pulled up to my head, a pillow cushions my knees; my pillow is fluffed, crisp, and cold.

Sure enough, as I am settled in, Emma arrives. I know it is her because she is the heavier one. She steps her front paws onto my hip and waits there. I slowly pull my arm from under the covers, stretch it back, and pet her head.

I pet her in a vigorous fashion because of her weight. Gentle petting doesn't seem right and she doesn't complain.

After a while, I withdraw my arm back under the covers and she hesitates a moment or two longer then steps down. I can feel her circling the bottom of the bed around my feet.

Eventually, Emma finds her just perfect space, lies down, probably head on paw but I cannot see this to be sure, I can only feel her purring which in her particular way is more like a rumble.

Emma is ready to seek a night's sleep. Every now and then, as she is drifting off to sleep, she will shout out. I cannot spell the sound she makes, but I believe it is to let me know she is content.

Not too long after, I feel another set of front paws on my hip, only this time a lighter pair, they signal Gigi's arrival. She jumps completely up onto my hip and then slowly walks up my rib cage, crosses my shoulder, and steps gently over my neck and past my head, onto her pillow/nest space to my right.

I welcome her with a whispered, "Hi!" I pet her from head to tail as she stands there enjoying the massage. I do so gently if only because she is slight in weight and vigorous petting doesn't seem right. She seems to agree. Of course, she purrs, which for Gigi is more like a vibration.

Next, she needs to clean my hair a little, with studied licks with her raspy tongue. What makes her choose one section of my head to clean tonight over another I do not know, but she seems to know and that is enough for me.

After a few licks, I stop her by putting my hand in front of her head which causes her to pull back a little, and I gently move my hand in a counter-clockwise fashion which causes her to shift in the same direction.

Once facing 45 degrees away, I run my hand down her body which signals her that it is time to lie down, which she does. I tuck my hand behind her hindquarters as she continues to purr. She wiggles around a bit as she settles in.

Then with a kick of her hind paws, she moves herself into position to lie down completely, with her head nestled into my open hand. The vibration continues until she is asleep.

This happens, almost like clockwork (pun intended) every night and I love the attention and the intimacy of my relationship with my two kitties (now going on eight years old but I still call them "my kitties.")

Good night. Now it is my turn to drift off to sleep.

For Some of Us Nothing has Changed

STORIES FOR THE TIMES:

I had a conversation the other day with my two seven-year-old cats, Gigi and Emma. Gigi is svelt, intelligent, pensive, quiet one. Emma is obese, not so intelligent, impulsive, noisy one.

Gigi was selected by my husband Gregory (RIP) and Emma was selected by me. All of their characteristics match, almost perfectly, Gregory and mine.

My conversation with them went something like this:

"You know, so much has changed in the last days and weeks and you probably haven't even noticed."

"Meow."

"For you, life is pretty much status quo with playing, sleeping, and eating."

"Yeow."

"There is a closet full of litter, two extra bags of dry food, and maybe 24 cans of each of your wet foods: Gigi-shredded chicken and Emma- minced tuna. I also have half a dozen bags of treats."

"Burrrrrrrrrrrr"

"So it is pretty amazing that for you guys nothing is different, nothing is changed. You have no worries, do not contemplate your own death or that of each other, or worry about tomorrow. You do not miss "eating out" and are happy with just me and each other for company!"

"MAYBE I SHOULD LEARN A LESSON FROM YOU BOTH!"

No comment from the girls but Gigi brushed against my leg and Emma drifted off to sleep.

Thoughts of a Queen Size Bed

Shades down
Lights off
Cats in place
Sheets crisp
Dreamland
Once more.

My Kitty Gigi

On her side 

Leaning against my arm

Purring

If that's not love

What is?

She comes to bed at night

And circles to finally lie down.

She places her hand in mine

And together we enter dreamland.

A Navigation of Trust and Love, Personification Added

Sometime after I have closed the lights and prepare to sleep, my cat arrives. Gigi is her name.

She steps onto my ankle at the bottom of the bed and pauses while she gets her balance.

She slowly walks up my calf, takes a left at my knee and proceeds up my thigh.

There she carefully steps onto my hip and again pauses to gain traction.

She slowly climbs each rib-step arriving at my shoulder and pausing for clarity.

She then steps at an angle past my chin, cheek, and ear, onto the pillow, finally arriving at the "dog/cat go-round in circles eventually settling down to lie down routine."

After she arrives at the optimal position to be able to curl up, while purring she braces her hind legs against my chest to push herself into place, with her head cupped in my half-asleep waiting left hand while my right hand supports her hind legs. Now  she is ready for sleep.

Of course, by then I am fully awake but I relish each movement, each moment of her navigated journey towards snuggling in with me which I take as a sign of human/animal communication and exchange of trust and love.

Catch Up (While not allowed on Chicago Vienna Dogs ... is Allowed on New York Sabrette's Dogs

Thirteen (13) days since my last post. When Gregory was still alive, especially towards the end of his journey with Dementia (most likely Alzheimer's,) I would write every day on the Alzheimer's BLOG and sometimes several times. I guess the urgency of communicating with someone, anyone; the need to process and document kept me motivated to write.

Now, almost three years after his death (I use the word death rather than "passing" because it makes it more real to me,) my life has settled into a calmer, somewhat simpler, more compassionate, more generous, and mindful way of living.

For the most part, I only do what I want to do rather than what I have to do. I have very few in any concerns, fears, or for that matter unrealistic expectations (at least based on my opinion of what expectations might be :-)

I have plenty of time to work on my numerous projects including constantly refining the condo. I have come to think of "Refining the Condo" as an art form. Make it efficient yet beautiful, make it simple yet complex, display as many of my collections as possible while still having people say, "Your place is so peaceful."

I am working in earnest on the "book" for my in-progress musical called "ALZHEIMER'S: A Musical Love Story." It is a painful process but after several months of writer's block, I now add to it every day. I really believe that the world is ready for a musical like this.

It has three threads woven together in a few hours of entertainment that hopefully, people will actually pay to see, as well as be moved, and experience, and learn! Thread One: A beautiful love story. Thread Two: Living well with Alzheimer's. Thread three: Gay Liberation (since Gregory and I, in our 41 years together, experienced all of the contemporary milestones (and millstones) in the LGBTQ+ community which brought us to this point in history.

I also have an opera, "ALZHEIMER'S: The Opera," up my sleeve. I continue to work on my memoirs, trying to reduce the number of hardback pages from 1,000 to a more reasonable number of pages which someone might actually want to buy and read! There is currently nothing on the market dealing with Alzheimer's and the LGBTQ community.

I have been and will continue to make presentations to the public which tell Gregory and my story of living well with Dementia. It always seems to be engaging to my audiences and well received. Q and A's after the presentations are spontaneous and keep me on my toes, hopefully helping those who ask the questions.

Here is a list of past presentations, future presentations, and ones in the work.

DONE

1. University of Chicago Middle School Students, the Lieberman Center for Health and Rehabilitation, 
2. United Methodist Church of LaGrange Illinois
3. Sherman Plaza Book and Social Club
4. NorthShore University Health Care System Division of Palliative Care and Hospice
5. Dementia Alliance International out of Australia
6. Pritzker School of Medicine - Medical Students Interest Group
7. Northwestern University Kellogg Graduate School of Business
8. Great Lakes Alzheimer’s Association
9. Battle Creek Congregational Church. 
10. Pride Film & Plays “An Evening with Michael and his Alzheimer’s Love Story”
11. Pritzker School of Medicine II - Medical Students Interest Group
12. 33rd Annual Alzheimer’s Disease International Conference - Chicago
13. Proud Seniors Greece - May 2018 - Athens
14. Teepa Snow Online Newsletter July 2018

FUTURE

1. Evanston Art Center - June 2019
2. Center on Halsted - Senior Voice Group - Sept 6, 2018
3. Lori La Bay - “Alzheimer’s Speaks Radio.” - Sept 11 - Live, Sept 13 Re-broadcast
4. Keynote speaker and break out session leader for MAYO Clinic and MN-MD Conference - March 2, 2019 - Minneapolis, MN

POSSIBLE

1. Evanston Unitarian Church 
2. Article in Anthology
3. JT and his documentary on Alzheimer’s
4. KAREFIRST
5. Intentional Caregiving Inc
6. DePaul University
7. Northwestern University's Buddy Program for Dementia
8. Rush Presbyterian St Luke

My recent trip to NYC after many many years was a "trip." I got to spend a wonderful lunch with a friend from college whom I have not seen nor talked to in some 30-35 years. We still had a lot in common and many wonderful memories. We also had some not so wonderful memories as we remembered all the friends we lost to HIV/AIDS during the heat of the epidemic of what was called "The Gay Disease!"

Really enjoyed the musicals "Dear Evan Hanson" and "The Band Visits." Enjoyed the legitimate theater "Boys in the Band" and "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child." 

Enjoyed a slice of "New York Pizza" (flat crust) and a hot dog (definitely not Vienna Kosher) from a street vendor. Visited the new Whitney Museum of American Art and the elevated, deserted elevated railroad now changed into a wonderful elevated park that traverses several miles of Manhattan.

Especially enjoyed, and this was the reason for my going to NYC in the first place: the 35th-anniversary reunion concert of "Pump Boys and Dinettes Concert" at Feinstein's Under 54 Supper Club. 

John, Gregory's college roommate and best friend, was one of the composers and stared on Broadway 35 years ago in "Pump Boys and Dinettes." It is a wonderful "feel good" musical that deals with living in a small town, life, love, and Highway 57. Four men play piano, guitar, bass, and electric guitar while they pump gas and repair cars;  two women keep them in tow and serve pie at the attached dinette.

Here is a video from 35 years ago when the show had been nominated for a Tony:

And here is a video from the reunion concert in which I tip the waitresses the same way Gregory and I did some 35 years earlier when we saw the production on New York:

It was wonderful visiting with John whose family became OUR friends as John married Moreen and had three children: Gabe, Grace, and Amelia. It was also good visiting with Grace, now full-grown and in college, who came to NYC from Los Angeles with her dad.

Gabe, by the way, was one of the people who made the documentary ALZHEIMER'S: A Love Story possible. The documentary was part of his coursework at Chapman University, Dodge School of Media Arts, in Orange, California. It went on to be accepted to over 90 film festivals worldwide and won over 35 awards including two from the American Pavilion at the Cannes Film Festival!

My cats, Emma and Gigi, continue to give me great love, affection, and joy as well as cat hair and dirty liter boxes. They both just turned 4 years old.

Emma

Gigi

What a lot about me but since it is my BLOG I can do what I want to! Hahaha, I guess you can understand why while I have been writing, it has been project-based and not necessarily showing up on this BLOG.

Here is a link to a recent article which was published in "Positive Care in Dementia Online Newsletter." which has a subscription of 20,000 readers. Will be interesting to see if there is any response to the article. Click here to go to "ALZHEIMER'S: A Love Story" (Opens in a new window.)

Kitties

Even though they are four years old (July 4 and August 1) I call them "my kitties." They also have a number of other nicknames.

Emma is pictured at the top of the photograph. Gigi, is pictured at the bottom of the photograph.

One of Emma's nicknames is "Brick." She weighs close to 20 lbs.

I also call her the "Upside Down Kitty." When she is on her blanket at the end of the bed and I am sitting on the bench across, I talk to her. She responds by turning herself upside down to "look cute."

"Dog," follows me around wherever in the condo I go.

"Hunter," plays with her mouse and screams to show off to me and to announce that she has caught prey. The mouse is really a red, aluminum foil, and blue puffball. Even with the puffball filling her mouth, her screaming is so loud that people with whom I am on the phone ask what the problem is.

Emma is rough and ready and can be a holy terror.

Gigi, on the other hand, is delicate and tentative but also can be a holy terror.

I call her "Lover" because she is gentle and sweet and really settles in when getting pet.

She is also known as "Sister" because she hides so well, and so often, in the condo that I cannot find her. I have to ask Emma, "Where is your sister?"

I call her "Girlfriend." When I am napping or going to sleep at night, she walks up my leg, side, and shoulder; dismounts at my head, and settles into the little nest between my pillow and the nightstand. I say, "Hi, Girlfriend!"

Then she turns around a few times and finally settles down with my taking her back paws in my hand. She lowers her head onto my other hand. Holding hands with my Girlfriend.

Sometimes if I fall asleep before she arrives, I awake to find her in the usual position "holding my hand."

Finally, Gigi is called "Princess." She is very proper, carries herself around the condo with a regal gate, never hurries or rushes. When I offer "treats," which are served in little plates on the bathroom vanity, Emma arrives and has almost completed hers when Gigi saunders into the bathroom and gracefully hops up to have hers.

Kitties, cats, are amazing creatures. As close to a "wild animal" as you can have in your home; they are intelligent, loving, and misbehave when they think they can get away with it.

They always greet me at the door when I arrive home, snuggle up on the sofa or in bed and watch TV with me, talk to me non-stop when they want or need something, take their toys out of the basket in the hall when they want to play, at times entertain themselves for hours and at other times demand your attention, love to sleep most of the day, and never clean up after themselves!

Responsibility

This BLOG is sometimes an essay, sometimes a creative non-fiction piece, sometimes a poem, sometimes an announcement, but also at times ...  a diary.

Haven't written for a while and always feel responsible to post SOMETHING if only to avoid an absence for those of you who faithfully follow it.

As you can imagine, life is CALM when compared to what it was between 2003 when we received Gregory's diagnosis (usually referred to as "our diagnosis") of Dementia, probably Alzheimer's and 2015 when Gregory died on October 4th.

My grief is CALMER and only rears its overwhelming presence periodically, when least expected, like it did this past Valentine's Day. Of all the holidays we celebrate, Valentine's Day is the one to celebrate with the person you most intimately love and call your sweetheart, which is probably why it is a little more difficult to face alone than birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc.

I bought Gregory red roses and dark chocolate (which I ate) and had a good cry sitting on the edge of the bed opposite his shrine. Gigi, the cat Gregory called his, came over to comfort me as she usually does when I am upset and that eased the pain.

I have been working on my memoirs again, trying to edit and integrate my five years worth of blog posts (1250 of them) dealing with the middle and end of our journey into the manuscript which I wrote previously about our early years living with the disease.

You can imagine that at times, at the end of a writing session, I am raw having lived once again through difficult as well as joyful times during Gregory and my journey.

The times that make me the saddest are when Gregory was upset by the limitations and losses he was facing and there was nothing I could do to help. "I only want to go back," he once said, leaving the details to his inability to any longer use language to communicate.

After a bout of tears after a recent editing session about his sadness and my feeling so helpless, I talked myself through to comfort by understanding that there may not have been anything I could do to change the course of the losses; but I was able to do a lot anyway.

I was there for him to hold his hand, hug him and cry together, make his life a little easier by taking most of the responsibility off his shoulders, and simplify his life while at the same time creating an invigorating, fun filled, good eating, safe environment for him.

We are working already on the "Second Annual MORE THAN EVER EDUCATION FUND Luncheon" that will take place on May 3 at the Orrington Hilton in Evanston. There have been several lunch meetings with La Casa Norte as we plan and work to get sponsors, raffle prize donations, and guests to attend the function have begun in earnest.

Last year we raised over $59,000 from +150 guests at the Inaugural Luncheon, awarded 10 scholarships so far (with more anticipated by the second luncheon,) and had our first annual Holiday Cohort Luncheon so the students could have yet another opportunity to be celebrated!

You will be getting a "HOLD THE DATE" announcement here, on Facebook, and/or in an e-mail blast soon as well as an invitation in the mail (if I have your address.) I sincerely hope you can join us. 

During the event, guests will learn more about the work of La Casa Norte and hear a brief presentation from me as well as from our youth participants. There will be a guest speaker; Carmita Vaughn, Founder and President of the Surge Institute, bringing “light” to education for underserved youth. 

The First Annual Gregory Maire Leadership Award will be presented to The North Shore Exchange of Glencoe, Illinois, for their commitment to and work with La Casa Norte and the Youth in College Program. A delicious lunch will be served

Winter 2017 has been fairly easy. Learning how to understand, deal with, and take stands on the foolishness of our new president ("Not My President") has been fairly difficult. We will prevail.

So far, the documentary Alzheimer's: A Love Story has been invited to be part of over 75 film festivals around the world and earned over 35 awards, the most prestigious of which were two from the American Pavillion at the Cannes Film Festival in France and a €1,000 award from the Florence Film Festival. The documentary is now available to rent and stream on Amazon.com and Vimeo.com.

I have been invited to speak at a number of functions, with the documentary as a feature, including the North Shore University Health Care System's Symposium on Dementia, the Methodist Church of Western Springs, the University of Chicago Lab Middle School, and the Sherman Plaza Book Club and Social Committee.

Recently I was the featured speaker for the DAI (Dementia Alliance International) Webinar which included over 50 participants, via the internet, from around the world! My comments will be available shortly on YouTube.

I am currently working on possible collection additions to Michael's Museum: A Curious Collection of Tiny Treasures, a permanent exhibit since May 2011 at Chicago Children's Museum on Navy Pier.

I traveled to visit family in TX and then on to Mexico for three weeks and am looking forward to officiating at the wedding of God Daughter Whitney who lives in Washington, D.C.

My condo and two cats continue to give me great comfort, I continue to go see opera and theater, eat out or "assemble" rather than cook like I used to when Gregory was living at home, visit with friends, and write. So all in all life is good, and I am happy that you are part of it with me!

Some Random Thoughts Today

Emma plays with a red and blue puff ball approximately 1½" in diameter. She thinks it is her mouse, her prey.

Like most cats, she likes to show off her prey so she screams loudly as she carries the ball around the living room. She screams so loud that when I am on the phone, people often ask what is happening and probably think I am torturing her! I am not.

Unlike most cats, she loves to play fetch with the puff ball. We can spend long period of times with me throwing it across the room and her chasing it madly, picking it up in her mouth screaming, and then bringing it back to me, dropping it at my feet.

Gigi, on the other hand, and in keeping with her personality, will pick up the blue and red puff ball, bring it into the room, drop it by my feet, look up at me, and finally ... quietly ... walk away. Mission accomplished Gigi style!

When I wake up during the middle of the night too pee and an unusual time is showing on my digital clock, I like to think that it is a "hello" or "nod" from Gregory. Last night I awoke to 2:22 and also at the bottom of the clock noticed the date: February 2. 2:22 on 2/2!  Hi Greg!

Last night I had two dreams in which Gregory figured prominently. When he shows up in my dreams,  usually we do not interact but his presence is there and it is good to be with him.

One: I was at a party at long time friends and owners of Prairie Joe's restaurant in Evanston on Central Street, Aydin Dinner and Diane Ubl-Dincer. Aydin's mother was making flowers out of colored paper which were beautifully professional looking. Gregory was at dinner with me.

Two: I went into our bedroom at home (where I was actually sleeping) and Gregory was sitting there reading a book. I got what I came in the room for and left.

With all the "STURM und DRANG" of Trump as POTUS, I don't know what to think anymore! 

Sturm und Drang comes from German, where it literally means "storm and stress." Although it’s now a generic synonym of "turmoil," the term was originally used in English to identify a late 18th-century German literary movement whose works were filled with rousing action and high emotionalism, and often dealt with an individual rebelling against the injustices of society. The movement took its name from the 1776 play Sturm und Drang, a work by one of its proponents, dramatist and novelist Friedrich von Klinger. Although the literary movement was well known in Germany in the late 1700s, the term "Sturm und Drang" didn’t appear in English prose until the mid-1800s. 

On a daily basis, I realized that I have actively been reading about, studying, and trying to understand and come to some conclusions about what is happening at the White House and how it will affect my country and how it will affect me! I also realized that I DO NOT WANT TO BE SPENDING THIS MUCH ENERGY TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OUT OF NONSENSE! I do not want to be trying to outguess, to figure out, to decide how to respond actions  to the POTSUG (President of The Strum und Drang.)

I do not feel that I can ignore the POTSUG but I also realize that my emotional/mental well being is at stake! As I feel many people are doing, I need to think about how to deal with this.

Like Loving Sisters

Gregory and I got two new kitties two years ago. They were acculturated together in the same room at the PAWS of Chicago Shelter but are not siblings. It wouldn't be obvious because they love each other like sisters.

Their personalities are very different. Gigi, who was picked out by Gregory, is tall, lean, intelligent, thoughtful, quiet, calm. Much like Gregory. Emma, who I picked out, is short, overweight, a little dumb, doesn't stop to think, noisy, active. Much like me.

They both get into trouble. Every time I think that I have things under control, one or the other will discover a new way to cause trouble. Like taking a dump in the tub, or pulling up a corner of the carpet, stealing off the kitchen counter (where they are not allowed!) or exercising claws on the closet door.

Gigi gets into trouble after what feels like careful analysis, observation, planning, and much thought. Emma gets into trouble with what feels like her just impulsively rushing forward without giving anything much thought. 

Emma loves to chase a red and blue puff ball. Sometimes she carries it around in her mouth, screaming loudly to announce the capture of her prey. Other times she will play fetch with me for extended periods of time. I toss the ball, she brings it back. Over and over and over.

Gigi's favorite toy is a page of Gregory's "One-A-Day Calendar." We used to keep it to help Gregory keep track of the days. Now I just rip off a random page, bunch it into a ball, toss it and watch Gigi chase and bat it for hours.

Every morning when I awake and am taking care of my bathroom duties, so to speak, Emma comes running for her morning pet. Gigi will very quietly, almost stealthily, bring a red and blue puff ball and place it just outside the bathroom, and then leave.

It is as if she is bringing the toy for Emma, figuring that Emma is probably too dumb to remember where she left it!

Fun to imagine what they must be thinking!

How To Keep Your Cat Happy

Emma and Gigi have their litter box next to the toilet in the master bathroom.

They are very persnickety about it being clean so I have to be persnickety as well.

Every night I empty their litter box.

If I fail to do so, they will wake me up on and off all night attempting to clean it themselves. Then I have to get up and clean the box to get them to stop.

Litter Box Manual.

Open the first drawer in the cabinet and take out two plastic, disposable gloves. Close the first drawer.

Open the second drawer and take out a Zip-Loc bag. Close the second drawer.

Open the third drawer and take out the shovel. Leave the drawer open so you can return the shovel at a later date.

Close the toilet seat.

Get down on your knees.

Put on the gloves.

Open the Zip-Loc and hold it in your left hand.

Using your right hand, scoop the left side of the litter box, from front to back, with the shovel.

Shake the shovel to remove the extra litter.

Empty the waste into the open Zip-Loc.

Scoop the middle of the litter box, from front to back with the shovel.

Shake the shovel to remove the extra litter.

Empty the waste into the open Zip-Loc.

Scoop the right side of the litter box, from front to back with the shovel.

Shake the shovel to remove the extra litter.

Empty the waste into the open Zip-Loc.

Put the shovel in the litter box.

Open the garbage can next to the toilet.

Close the Zip-Loc and toss in the garbage can.

Pick up the mat in front of the litter box and empty it into the litter box.

Using your gloved hand, brush any litter on the floor towards the box.

(Ivanka will vacuum this extra litter on Thursdays when she is her to clean.)

Replace the mat in front of the litter box.

Take off your gloves using the OSHA technique of pulling one glove into the other without touching the exposed part with your hand.

Toss the gloves into the garbage can.

Close the garbage can.

Remember to open the toilet.

If still awake, go to bed now!

Who Looks Foolish Now?

Every morning the routine goes something like this. I get up and let the cats out of the guest bathroom where they have spend the night with food, water, several cushions, their liter box, and room to play. 

When it is time to put them in at night,  I announce "TREATS!" and they come running, even though they know they are about to be locked up for the evening. No matter how "crazy" they have been during the day, they seem to enjoy settling in and are quiet until the next morning.

Next morning, I greet them with, "FREEDOM" as I open the bathroom door. They first weave their love around my legs and then venture off to begin their day. I sit on the sofa where I supervise their play because sometimes they need to work off that energy gained overnight.

They usually settle down but if they are having trouble doing so, I take their basket of toys and toss or roll them down the long hall at the front of the condo. This usually distracts them from running around the living room like "crazy people" up and over the sofa, chairs, and literally bouncing off the walls.

Today, I followed the above routine  with a humorous, unexpected result. As I was rolling and tossing, both cats went to the head of the hall and sat down. They watched as with various levels of energy I rolled each ball, and tossed each mouse down the hall. They did not leap, or follow, or chase. They just sat. Sat and watched me play with their toys. 

I wonder what they were thinking? When I finished, they returned to the livingroom where they continued to chase each other for another twenty or thirty mimnutes before settling down.

Here is a picture of them at rest in our bedroom. Like little children they are so peaceful when asleep and so wild with excess energy when awake!