COMING SOON

The Museum of Michael’s Mind:

Memoirs, Memories, & Meanderings

VOLUME ONE

BACK COVER

“With soft humor and gentle wonder, Michael generously shares his reflections on compassion and connection. What he has learned will resonate in your heart and mind.” 

Patricia Anderson May 2010 EWW Conference.

• • •

Over 150 short writings including creative non-fiction, fiction, dreams, thoughts, experiences, memories, and more. Michael’s writing is easy, engaging, and at times eloquent. Figurative, fanciful, and at times funny. Meaningful, meandering, and at times moving. Detailed, descriptive, and at times deep.

• • •

“…the audience for which he wrote this book includes: (unabashedly) himself, those who might have thought similar thoughts to his, those who have had similar experiences as he has had. It is for those who have wondered about things, those who have looked for answers, those who have supported a close one through living with Alzheimer’s, those who have grieved the death of a loved one and celebrated the birth of a new being. He hopes to let the reader know they are not alone in this frightening, overwhelming, impermanent, wonderful world.”

• • •

His author’s “voice” suggests that you get a cup of coffee and join him in a conversation about life. Since it is his voice, you will probably not be able to get a word in but still, the experience should be an enjoyable one!

He made a baker’s dozen of his favorite chocolate chip cookies with walnuts. If you do to like the nuts, just pull them off and put them on the side! Another cup of coffee? Sure. And have another cookie. 

Catch Up (While not allowed on Chicago Vienna Dogs ... is Allowed on New York Sabrette's Dogs

Thirteen (13) days since my last post. When Gregory was still alive, especially towards the end of his journey with Dementia (most likely Alzheimer's,) I would write every day on the Alzheimer's BLOG and sometimes several times. I guess the urgency of communicating with someone, anyone; the need to process and document kept me motivated to write.

Now, almost three years after his death (I use the word death rather than "passing" because it makes it more real to me,) my life has settled into a calmer, somewhat simpler, more compassionate, more generous, and mindful way of living.

For the most part, I only do what I want to do rather than what I have to do. I have very few in any concerns, fears, or for that matter unrealistic expectations (at least based on my opinion of what expectations might be :-)

I have plenty of time to work on my numerous projects including constantly refining the condo. I have come to think of "Refining the Condo" as an art form. Make it efficient yet beautiful, make it simple yet complex, display as many of my collections as possible while still having people say, "Your place is so peaceful."

I am working in earnest on the "book" for my in-progress musical called "ALZHEIMER'S: A Musical Love Story." It is a painful process but after several months of writer's block, I now add to it every day. I really believe that the world is ready for a musical like this.

It has three threads woven together in a few hours of entertainment that hopefully, people will actually pay to see, as well as be moved, and experience, and learn! Thread One: A beautiful love story. Thread Two: Living well with Alzheimer's. Thread three: Gay Liberation (since Gregory and I, in our 41 years together, experienced all of the contemporary milestones (and millstones) in the LGBTQ+ community which brought us to this point in history.

I also have an opera, "ALZHEIMER'S: The Opera," up my sleeve. I continue to work on my memoirs, trying to reduce the number of hardback pages from 1,000 to a more reasonable number of pages which someone might actually want to buy and read! There is currently nothing on the market dealing with Alzheimer's and the LGBTQ community.

I have been and will continue to make presentations to the public which tell Gregory and my story of living well with Dementia. It always seems to be engaging to my audiences and well received. Q and A's after the presentations are spontaneous and keep me on my toes, hopefully helping those who ask the questions.

Here is a list of past presentations, future presentations, and ones in the work.

DONE

1. University of Chicago Middle School Students, the Lieberman Center for Health and Rehabilitation, 
2. United Methodist Church of LaGrange Illinois
3. Sherman Plaza Book and Social Club
4. NorthShore University Health Care System Division of Palliative Care and Hospice
5. Dementia Alliance International out of Australia
6. Pritzker School of Medicine - Medical Students Interest Group
7. Northwestern University Kellogg Graduate School of Business
8. Great Lakes Alzheimer’s Association
9. Battle Creek Congregational Church. 
10. Pride Film & Plays “An Evening with Michael and his Alzheimer’s Love Story”
11. Pritzker School of Medicine II - Medical Students Interest Group
12. 33rd Annual Alzheimer’s Disease International Conference - Chicago
13. Proud Seniors Greece - May 2018 - Athens
14. Teepa Snow Online Newsletter July 2018

FUTURE

1. Evanston Art Center - June 2019
2. Center on Halsted - Senior Voice Group - Sept 6, 2018
3. Lori La Bay - “Alzheimer’s Speaks Radio.” - Sept 11 - Live, Sept 13 Re-broadcast
4. Keynote speaker and break out session leader for MAYO Clinic and MN-MD Conference - March 2, 2019 - Minneapolis, MN

POSSIBLE

1. Evanston Unitarian Church 
2. Article in Anthology
3. JT and his documentary on Alzheimer’s
4. KAREFIRST
5. Intentional Caregiving Inc
6. DePaul University
7. Northwestern University's Buddy Program for Dementia
8. Rush Presbyterian St Luke

My recent trip to NYC after many many years was a "trip." I got to spend a wonderful lunch with a friend from college whom I have not seen nor talked to in some 30-35 years. We still had a lot in common and many wonderful memories. We also had some not so wonderful memories as we remembered all the friends we lost to HIV/AIDS during the heat of the epidemic of what was called "The Gay Disease!"

Really enjoyed the musicals "Dear Evan Hanson" and "The Band Visits." Enjoyed the legitimate theater "Boys in the Band" and "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child." 

Enjoyed a slice of "New York Pizza" (flat crust) and a hot dog (definitely not Vienna Kosher) from a street vendor. Visited the new Whitney Museum of American Art and the elevated, deserted elevated railroad now changed into a wonderful elevated park that traverses several miles of Manhattan.

Especially enjoyed, and this was the reason for my going to NYC in the first place: the 35th-anniversary reunion concert of "Pump Boys and Dinettes Concert" at Feinstein's Under 54 Supper Club. 

John, Gregory's college roommate and best friend, was one of the composers and stared on Broadway 35 years ago in "Pump Boys and Dinettes." It is a wonderful "feel good" musical that deals with living in a small town, life, love, and Highway 57. Four men play piano, guitar, bass, and electric guitar while they pump gas and repair cars;  two women keep them in tow and serve pie at the attached dinette.

Here is a video from 35 years ago when the show had been nominated for a Tony:

And here is a video from the reunion concert in which I tip the waitresses the same way Gregory and I did some 35 years earlier when we saw the production on New York:

It was wonderful visiting with John whose family became OUR friends as John married Moreen and had three children: Gabe, Grace, and Amelia. It was also good visiting with Grace, now full-grown and in college, who came to NYC from Los Angeles with her dad.

Gabe, by the way, was one of the people who made the documentary ALZHEIMER'S: A Love Story possible. The documentary was part of his coursework at Chapman University, Dodge School of Media Arts, in Orange, California. It went on to be accepted to over 90 film festivals worldwide and won over 35 awards including two from the American Pavilion at the Cannes Film Festival!

My cats, Emma and Gigi, continue to give me great love, affection, and joy as well as cat hair and dirty liter boxes. They both just turned 4 years old.

Emma

Gigi

What a lot about me but since it is my BLOG I can do what I want to! Hahaha, I guess you can understand why while I have been writing, it has been project-based and not necessarily showing up on this BLOG.

Here is a link to a recent article which was published in "Positive Care in Dementia Online Newsletter." which has a subscription of 20,000 readers. Will be interesting to see if there is any response to the article. Click here to go to "ALZHEIMER'S: A Love Story" (Opens in a new window.)

Responsibility

This BLOG is sometimes an essay, sometimes a creative non-fiction piece, sometimes a poem, sometimes an announcement, but also at times ...  a diary.

Haven't written for a while and always feel responsible to post SOMETHING if only to avoid an absence for those of you who faithfully follow it.

As you can imagine, life is CALM when compared to what it was between 2003 when we received Gregory's diagnosis (usually referred to as "our diagnosis") of Dementia, probably Alzheimer's and 2015 when Gregory died on October 4th.

My grief is CALMER and only rears its overwhelming presence periodically, when least expected, like it did this past Valentine's Day. Of all the holidays we celebrate, Valentine's Day is the one to celebrate with the person you most intimately love and call your sweetheart, which is probably why it is a little more difficult to face alone than birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc.

I bought Gregory red roses and dark chocolate (which I ate) and had a good cry sitting on the edge of the bed opposite his shrine. Gigi, the cat Gregory called his, came over to comfort me as she usually does when I am upset and that eased the pain.

I have been working on my memoirs again, trying to edit and integrate my five years worth of blog posts (1250 of them) dealing with the middle and end of our journey into the manuscript which I wrote previously about our early years living with the disease.

You can imagine that at times, at the end of a writing session, I am raw having lived once again through difficult as well as joyful times during Gregory and my journey.

The times that make me the saddest are when Gregory was upset by the limitations and losses he was facing and there was nothing I could do to help. "I only want to go back," he once said, leaving the details to his inability to any longer use language to communicate.

After a bout of tears after a recent editing session about his sadness and my feeling so helpless, I talked myself through to comfort by understanding that there may not have been anything I could do to change the course of the losses; but I was able to do a lot anyway.

I was there for him to hold his hand, hug him and cry together, make his life a little easier by taking most of the responsibility off his shoulders, and simplify his life while at the same time creating an invigorating, fun filled, good eating, safe environment for him.

We are working already on the "Second Annual MORE THAN EVER EDUCATION FUND Luncheon" that will take place on May 3 at the Orrington Hilton in Evanston. There have been several lunch meetings with La Casa Norte as we plan and work to get sponsors, raffle prize donations, and guests to attend the function have begun in earnest.

Last year we raised over $59,000 from +150 guests at the Inaugural Luncheon, awarded 10 scholarships so far (with more anticipated by the second luncheon,) and had our first annual Holiday Cohort Luncheon so the students could have yet another opportunity to be celebrated!

You will be getting a "HOLD THE DATE" announcement here, on Facebook, and/or in an e-mail blast soon as well as an invitation in the mail (if I have your address.) I sincerely hope you can join us. 

During the event, guests will learn more about the work of La Casa Norte and hear a brief presentation from me as well as from our youth participants. There will be a guest speaker; Carmita Vaughn, Founder and President of the Surge Institute, bringing “light” to education for underserved youth. 

The First Annual Gregory Maire Leadership Award will be presented to The North Shore Exchange of Glencoe, Illinois, for their commitment to and work with La Casa Norte and the Youth in College Program. A delicious lunch will be served

Winter 2017 has been fairly easy. Learning how to understand, deal with, and take stands on the foolishness of our new president ("Not My President") has been fairly difficult. We will prevail.

So far, the documentary Alzheimer's: A Love Story has been invited to be part of over 75 film festivals around the world and earned over 35 awards, the most prestigious of which were two from the American Pavillion at the Cannes Film Festival in France and a €1,000 award from the Florence Film Festival. The documentary is now available to rent and stream on Amazon.com and Vimeo.com.

I have been invited to speak at a number of functions, with the documentary as a feature, including the North Shore University Health Care System's Symposium on Dementia, the Methodist Church of Western Springs, the University of Chicago Lab Middle School, and the Sherman Plaza Book Club and Social Committee.

Recently I was the featured speaker for the DAI (Dementia Alliance International) Webinar which included over 50 participants, via the internet, from around the world! My comments will be available shortly on YouTube.

I am currently working on possible collection additions to Michael's Museum: A Curious Collection of Tiny Treasures, a permanent exhibit since May 2011 at Chicago Children's Museum on Navy Pier.

I traveled to visit family in TX and then on to Mexico for three weeks and am looking forward to officiating at the wedding of God Daughter Whitney who lives in Washington, D.C.

My condo and two cats continue to give me great comfort, I continue to go see opera and theater, eat out or "assemble" rather than cook like I used to when Gregory was living at home, visit with friends, and write. So all in all life is good, and I am happy that you are part of it with me!

A Cup of Hot Chocolate Stirred with a Candy Cane

Looking past the Evanston Christmas tree towards our condo.

This post will just be a chatty one. So get your cup of coffee, tea, or hot chocolate mixed with a candy cane and I'll begin.

There have been very few posts during December. I wonder why. Some of the early ones were insightful,  some dealt with "Santa Sightings," and some were a continuation of the grief discussion I feel at this second holiday season without Gregory by my side.

I have been feeling somewhat sad most of the month but not necessarily in a bad way. I am aware of how much I miss him, but that is OK and I am able to continue to function day to day. If I spend too much time questioning the purpose of life and the meaning of death, I could loose it, but I do spend some time with those emotions in a thoughtful, loving way; hoping to come out the other side with a little bit more of an understanding.

I am afraid that much of my "feeling down" is selfish but as I typed that, I realized I shouldn't say "I am afraid." It just is ... what it is ... and it is OK to be selfish! Christmas time for Gregory and me has always been filled with together activities, with friends, with spreading more joy than we usually did all year. I miss him and I miss doing the holiday thing together.

 From an ornament created by friends Jan Yourist and Jake Bloom

and presented to Gregory and me on the purchase of our first home.

I used to do ALL the Christmas shopping for both of us, even when he was still able to get me just a few things to be able to say he did. I would buy him "wonderful things" and I would buy myself "wonderful things" and neither of us were ever disappointed. The things he bought me were practical but so, so appreciated!

Below is a photograph of one of some of the gifts from one of the last Christmases while he was still at the condo. I think I must have known we were approaching the end of any semblance of normalcy and decided to go overboard:

So the reason for fewer posts is most likely: experiencing while keeping Christmas emotions in check, enjoying the season with family and friends, preparing for my Mexico vacation, working on my memoirs, several Santa appearances, and the cold cold Chicago winter (last night 0° F.)

Photo taken by friend Son Chung

Subject change: I was going through my photo program and came across some photographs of Gregory, taken at at Skokie Hospital, when he had a fall shortly after having moved to the Lieberman Center. The gash on the back of his head, approximately 2" long, was stitched together with many metal staples. The bruise on the front of his forehead was bright red.

I instantly began sobbing at the pain and the confusion he must have felt during that experience. I howled and keened. Gigi, my cat, came running to comfortable me as she usually does when I am upset. I was able to calm down in quick order and found myself wondering why thinking about that event continues to cause me such pain.

It had happened so long ago, Gregory survived it well, I was able to comfort and sooth his fears when I arrived at the hospital, and he certainly is now no longer in pain. These were a few of my thoughts as I was calming. Most logical is that my reaction was one of empathy.

Not the gruesome photo which triggered my emotions. 

This one is a little more pleasant for my readers.

Also, the image is not something I carry around at all times so the photograph appropriately triggered my memories and not only memories of what Gregory went through but what I was going through at that time: G newly at a memory care facility, me at home alone, me having to give up some "care control" to the facility, my working through guilt at having moved him to Lieberman, and others.

Subject change: After this Christmas, I am off to San Pancho, MX for three weeks after a visit with family in TX. San Pancho is 30 minutes north of the Puerto Vallarta airport and is an undiscovered, tiny fishing village with maybe four restaurants, pristine mostly deserted beaches, very little tourism to experience, a completely native experience.

I will stay at friends' B&B called Casita Cielo Azul, Little House of the Blue Sky. Jill and Link have owned it for three or four years and also live in Evanston part of the year. On the front of the property they run a coffee shop and book store. Link runs the store, Jill bakes all the pastries for the shop so I expect to return home with a few extra pounds.

 Angela: My Bedroom

The coffee shop

Part of the time I will use to do nothing, part of the time I will explore and become part of the community, and part of the time I will devote to a writer's retreat to continue working on my memoirs. All of the text is in place, the first seven years edited, and the next five years of my blog posts to be integrated into the whole. On one hand I have been enjoying working on it but on the other hand it is difficult to relieve each experience in what was real time at the time of occurrence.

I really would like my memoirs to get published and experience a certain success if only because in my research, I have found that there is not a lot out there to be of support to same-sex couples who have or are experiencing what Gregory and I experienced. All of the writing out there is about older heterosexual couples supporting each other or children helping parents with Dementia. When Gregory and I began what I have come to refer to as "Our Ordeal," he was 55 and I was 58.

My purpose in creating my memoirs is to let other couples out there know that they are not alone. That they can rise to the occasion and provide the necessary support for their partner. The message is also that Gregory was not a VICTIM of Alzheimer's but rather a HERO and that the diagnosis of Dementia is NOT A DEATH SENTENCE, Gregory and I lived a wonderful (although not always easy,) productive twelve years together. If anything the diagnosis was a gift that allowed us to use each moment together to best advantage.

Well, that is all the chit chat for now. Wishing you and yours a peaceful, loving, joyful NOEL!

Antique, "one piece" Nativity purchased early in my adulthood, fell out of favor and sold to an antique shop, bought back (at a higher price) the next year when I realized it had not fallen that far out of favor, used then by Gregory and me when we joined lives, and used to this day to make sure that Christ stays in the season as well as the food, the fun, the gifts, the wishes of "Happy Holiday!"

Gregory: July 4, 1948 - October 4, 2015

Peaceful the Bear: Support, Comfort, Confidant, Witness

Will always be part of the family now!

GYROSCOPE: An Alzheimer's Love Story

The title of this post is the working title of a book of memoirs I am working on.  A manuscript of my memoirs already exists which dealt with the early part of Gregory and my living with Alzheimer's. It covers the day of the diagnosis until seven years later. At that time I stopped writing the manuscript and began my "michael a. horvich cares about alzheimer's" BLOG. 

I made a half hearted attempt to get the manuscript published, thinking it could be the first book with further "adventures" covered in sequels. But my efforts were either ignored or received polite (or form letter) rejections. Ah ...  the way of a writer who would rather write than promote what is written.

But I am back to promoting. I feel that my writing is well done, the experience for the reader is intimate, the lessons learned can be helpful to others, and based on my research there are no other books out there like mine. Most of those published deal with heterosexual couples supporting each other or children helping older parents. In our case we are dealing with a relatively younger Gay couple who started this business in their late 50's.

My memoirs deal with walking the Dementia/ Alzheiemr's path with my same sex partner of 41 years. Alzheimer’s does not discriminate and the fact that we are a same sex partner disappears into the story which is mainly about two people who love each other and what they experience and have to deal with along the path.

I am excited about taking the PDF's from my BLOG, converting them into a WORDX document, editing, and adding them to my existing manuscript. I have set this as my "winter's work" as I continue fine tuning what I hope will eventually be my legitimately published book dealing with living with and loving someone diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. 

I will keep you posted on my progress. Meanwhile, if you have any strong connections to editors, agents, or publishing houses who you feel might be interested in my work, please let me know. I can send them a letter of inquiry with sample chapters and maybe they will make me an offer I cannot refuse!