Monday, July 2, 2018

I Had a Night MAIRE Last Night

Gregory's brother Mark and sister-in-law Diane had a black cat. A huge, affectionate black cat. Gregory helped name it: "Night Maire." Everyone loved the name and the play on words. Yes, Nightmaire, Nightmare.

Last night before I fell asleep, I asked Gregory (if he could) to visit me in my dreams. And he was able to meet my request. But I didn't deal with it well. So next time I will specify: "In calm and peace, please."

The first part of his visit included snuggling in bed "spoons style" his arm draped over my back. Waking suddenly, it scared the crap out of me experiencing someone in bed (besides the cats and with another person (Gregory) after almost three years.) I woke with a start and that disconnected the connection.

Based on that first visit, Gregory attempted another. The dream became convoluted and circular, my not being able to tell dream from reality.

I wanted to call out to Gregory and was so sad fearing that I could no longer do so, that I called out to Gregory in the other room telling him, "Please come here, I am frightened and I need to talk to you."

Then I realized that I could no longer physically talk to him so I became frightened and called out to him again, which woke me up.

Now awake, he didn't answer so I called out again. Then I realized that my fear was founded and I could never again call out to him and get a physical response.

So I cried and ached and missed him until my throat hurt and it was difficult to breathe.

Slowly I realized that Gregory was only trying to fulfill my request but I handled it poorly. So next time, "In calm and in peace," I hope to do better!

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