Sunday, February 21, 2016

Happy Valentine's Day: The Witness

Valentine's Day was spent with friends at brunch. The rest of the day I wrote, worked on the upcoming More Than Ever Education Fund that was founded by Gregory and me, had dinner, watched a few TV programs, then headed to bed.

For the most part I had gotten through Valentine's Day, with my love for and memories of Gregory to carry me. In the bedroom, I sat down on Gregory's side of the bed, which is nearest to Gregory's shelf on the bookcase, and began a conversation of love, of missing him, of being able to carrying on.

Slowly immense emotions of sorrow and tears overtook me. In grief, there is no timeline, no time frame, and I begin to believe that while it does get easier, it never gets over! So I let the emotions come and I cried and I sobbed and I keened.

A moment later, Gigi, one of my two cats (who is the cat Gregory picked out when we adopted,) came over to me and "petted" me; pushing against me with her head, standing on my lap and rubbing against my chest, and finally standing on her hind legs to lean in and lick my ear.

Her gesture of love made me feel better though I continued to cry, but a little more calmly. Next, Gigi moved over to the nightstand and stepped up with her front legs to Gregory's shelf, and rubbed her head against Grandma Carries's sewing box which contains Gregory's remains. She came back to me and lie down against my leg.

Next came Emma, the cat I chose. She is not as demonstrative but makes up for that in her enthusiasm. She also jumped up on the night table, stepped up onto Gregory's shelf and said hello to him with rubbing her head against Carrie's box, actually moving it a little in her enthusiasm.

By now, I was calm and thought, "Wow. The spirits are strong around here tonight." I wished Gregory a Happy Valentine's Day, told him I would eat later the candy I bought for him, and offered him a Good Night." I crawled under the down comforter, comforted by Gigi, Emma, and Gregory and switched off the lights.

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