LGBTQ

I have grown up. Again! When I was a young man, I would look at a change in or new understanding about myself and say, “My, I was so naive! I will never let that happen again.” Ends up, my life, which is now in its 70’s, has been a series of “being naïve again!” Maybe that is not so bad as it shows I am continuing to grow and become.

My recent visit to San Francisco, Gay capital of the USA to attend the Frameline 40 Film Festival where I experienced my documentary ALZHEIMER’S: A Love Story screen in front of a warm, accepting audience of 1,300 gay and gay friendly people; viewing over 25 films (shorts and longs) dealing with gay issues, and meeting a wide variety of people; has brought a new sense to my homosexuality.

I have been Gay all my life. In looking back, the signs were there since my earliest memories. I "came out" at the age of 18, meaning had my first sexual experience, and began to understand why I was different than most other boys. I had known it for a long time but didn’t understand why.

I probably did not fully accept with confidence that I was Gay until I was 40 years old when I informed my mother that I no longer was going to lie to family and friends about my sexual preferences or my male lover. Everyone knew anyways but just weren't acknowledging it.

During the first fifty years of my life, the 1950's through the 2000's, society's attitudes towards Gay people, men and women, were quite different then they are today. Life for gays was closeted and characterized by the expression, "The love that dare not speak its name." Older role models did not exist. Most Gay activites and socialization was underground.

Things today, while not perfect, are amazingly different with same sex marriage legal at the national level, wider acceptance of homosexuality by more people, greater visibility of Gays in the political, entertainment, and sports worlds, and perhaps more understanding in religions arenas.

This scenario brings me to the discussion of some current realizations I have had as mentioned in the first paragraph.

Most of my younger life I liked other younger men and found older Gay men disgusting. Now I am an older gay man! I now understand that while age affects how beautiful a person's body might be, it does not affect the beauty of a person's soul. While I look pleasant enough, my physical beauty is gone, my sexual needs not as easily met as when I was in my twenty’s. A little late, now that I am in my 70’s, but I can accept this. I wish I had been a little more “generous” to older men when I was young.

As a young man; Drag Queens, Transsexuals, Transvestites, Leather Men, Butch and Lipstick Lesbians, and probably a few others were embarrassing to me. I wanted Gay men and women, including myself, to be well-behaved, normal, milk-toast, etc.

I thought that if only these extremely visible groups would calm down, gays like me in general would be accepted into society or at least go un-noticed. This was based on little or no knowledge of who the people in these groups were emotionally, physically, or belief system wise. I had few if any friends in these groups and knew little of who they really were. This belief was pretty common, I think, among many gay men of that time.

After Stonewall, during what is known as the Gay Liberation Era, there was a huge spit between Gay men and Gay woman who wanted to be known as "Lesbians" not "Gay Women." At the time I thought this was foolish. I understand this now and give the Lesbian community credit for being among the first groups (including the early suffragettes) to fight for equality for women in general. The battle continues.

Until then, and somewhat still now, men were the dominant sex; making most important decisions, holding most important roles in business, government, religion and making decisions about who and what women could be. During Gay Liberation, the Lesbian women said, "Hell no! We are in charge of ourselves and will make decisions about ourselves ... men will not be in charge of us and we do not want to be dumped into the group with them known as “Gay!”

My next awareness was that seemingly "outrageous" expressions of self by Drag Queens, Transgender People, Leather Men, and Butch Dykes turn out to be honest outward expressions of how these people see themselves, how they want to live their lives, and part of their fight for equal rights and protection under the law. I now understand and accept that. I now have a wider range of friends in my social groups.

Slowly society is becoming educated and more accepting of these groups. Just because I am not part of these groups does not and should not mean that they are wrong, or bad, ... or embarrassing. I have become more accepting myself in this area.

The initials GLBTQ reflect a long, successful journey! In the beginning it was "being Gay." Then it got to being Gay and Lesbian. Slowly Bi-Sexual was included. Over time T for Transgender was added and is becoming a lot more visible today.

Q seems to have two groups to identify. One is buying back the word QUEER but with confidence and self-love and remembering the resolution of the Rainbow Flag that we will never go back into the closet again.

The other is Questioning, which means that sometimes people, whether young or old, must figure out who they are, who they want to be, and how they want to express themselves and their sexuality. Being open to possibilities that enable one to question fixed societal beliefs is necessary. Some groups are playing around with "I" for Inquisitive to replace Questioning. GLBTQI

Some say that we should not have to categorize or label any of us, gay or straight, and that is the problem. Ellen DeGeneres, who usually avoids discussing political issues on her TV show, did talk about why we still needed to address marriage between two men or two women as “Gay Marriage.” We do not need to describe “Straight Marriage?”

In the beginning I had trouble referring to my life partner Gregory as “my husband.” Based on my early coming out, and societal norms of the day, if he was my “husband” that must mean I was the “wife!” And that was not true. With the passage of time, and laws, and common usage it feels OK to me to talk about two husbands, or two wives, two mommies or daddies. I have been able to leave the old thinking behind.

I believe that through flexible, open labeling we are able to gain a larger understanding of who we are and that we will all be better able to accept that "we are all one" deserving the respect and privileges of being human. Stereotyping no, but understanding our life through categorizing and labeling is how we make sense out of complicated issues.

The world is so torn by strife among ethnicities, races, religious beliefs, political affiliations, etc. Human rights including those of the GLBTQI community are part of this strife.

We all speak to the need to DO SOMETHING in a world that looks the other way when innocent black people are killed for little or no reason; when innocent police officers are ambushed; when innocent people are blown up to support other's political beliefs; when just to make a statement - theater audiences, college students, and children at school can be mowed down by assault weapons; when a Gay boy can be tied to a fence, tortured, and left to die; or when a woman or transgender woman can be raped and brutally beaten.

The Orlando massacre of 50 Gays and Lesbians and friends brought yet another and seemingly greater out roar about the need to stop the needless slaughter of people and the need for improved gun control and back checks.

It was billed as the worse mass murder in U.S. history and this was quickly followed by lists of hundreds of Native Americans who were killed by our government for fighting for their own beliefs and for freedom to continue their way of living which certainly pre-dates our own.

Society is slowly realizing that something must be done. But in a world that seems to have always contained violence and war, what will it take to change this and how long will it take? With each new occurrence we hope that this time something will be done but when?

Perhaps everyone needs to wave the RAINBOW flag to signify never again. Never again. Never again.