Saturday, September 19, 2020

I Can Feel the Silence of My Death

With so much time in the condo by myself, having chosen self-quarantine in reaction to COVID 19, my mind has taken my thinking in many directions. My death is one of them. Not that I feel death is imminent for me but it is a given that I will die! 

Part of death, as far as I can tell, is giving up connections to all things: loved ones including family, friends, and pets; possessions, daily activities, and appreciation for being alive and all that brings: walks, flowers, fresh air, sunsets and rises, meals, TV, music, theater, etc. Obvious but often things we take for granted.

Silence, again as far as I can tell, could be another way to describe the difference between being alive and being dead. Right now, ensconced in the condo since March without family or friends over to a meal or a visit, I have come to notice the silence that exists for me here by myself, even with the mechanical noises, pet noises, noises of me typing this, or my shuffling around. 

One day last week, while sitting here thinking over one paragraph or another of a recent post, I heard the silence of my death. The condo seemed extra quiet and I found myself imagining  what it would be like for my niece and nephew, Mark and Colleen who are the executors for my estate, to let themselves into the condo after I have died. Assume the cats have already moved in with them in Michigan. I could almost feel my absence, the finality of my absence and lack of noise I create here. And I wondered what it would be like for them to experience the silence. Would the condo itself have quieted down in respect for my passing or would the items, collections, shrines, wall to wall collections, etc. still have the energy I feel in them now?

Over the years, people have always come into my home (Gregory and my home in those days) and commented on how peaceful, loving, and calm the space felt. The next comments usually say something like: Even with all the "things" around, there is a sense of peace, organization, cleanliness, and spirituality that exists. 

Until Mark and Colleen make the personal changes to the condo they choose to make, maybe the energy I have put into my surroundings will outlive me and continue to not only invite but at times shout, "Welcome, come in, enjoy yourself and my vision of life!" Maybe my energy will still be felt here, even after I am visiting that "Great Starbucks in the Sky," only in a different, loving way!

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Interestingly, based on the article below, I do not believe that I have previously conscientiously added to, protected, cleaned up, or manipulated the energy of my home, but now realize that it is something that has been done automatically, without thinking. I have to give it more mindful attention. That aught to pump up the "noise" quite a bit ... or the "silence" 😀

The fact that my collections are all displayed “shrine-like,” that a shrine for Gregory was instantly created on his death, that I have my front door and balcony door protected by many “Evil-Eyes,” and how important my “Arriving and Leaving Shrine” is to my daily ceremonies; must all add to the quiet, safe, loving, ambiance of the place.

The things here are not "cute" or common things to collect but rather what I refer to as findings, discoveries, artifacts
, trinkets, little things, pieces of history and/or anthropology, tiny curiosities, oddities, and yes, even miniatures.

Also, the love and time I have shared in this place with family and friends over coffee, dinner, or a glass of wine helps add to the ambiance people experience when in the condo. Also, the attention and love I give to all the little parts of all the thousands of items that make up my collections must absorb some of me and be felt by others. 

This banner, which was the first to "advertise" Michael's Museum while it lived in the guest room of our home at 2635 Poplar, in Evanston, says it all.

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This above post was prompted by recent thinking about the condo and by this article from "DailyOm"

Energy Of A Home

By Madisyn Taylor 

Everything and everybody that enters your home creates an energy and leaves a footprint. 

Our homes are filled with energy that we create and allow to flourish. In many cases, our relationship with the pulse of our homes is passive rather than active because we do not pay particular heed to the energy that has been established. It is only when we regard these spaces as unique entities that we begin to understand why it is necessary to take charge of the energy that fills our homes. Stagnant, inharmonious energy can find its way into our dwellings through many avenues. Previous occupants, builders, visitors, and the individuals who maintain a home leave a strong energy imprint behind. Objects and symbols can also have an effect on the energy of a residence. When we are aware of all that can influence the energy of our spaces, we are empowered to create harmonious homes that do more than meet our need for shelter. 

Exercising care with regard to who and what we invite into our homes is one of the easiest ways we can ensure that the energy within remains loving and supportive. It is not always possible to keep potentially harmful people and possessions from entering our homes, but we can take precautions. Individuals can be kept from private spaces like bedrooms and meditation areas, while property can be purified through cleansing or smudging. During periods of remodeling or construction, Reiki symbols and other positive imagery can be printed on surfaces that will later be covered by walls or flooring. Though hidden, these will continue to attract good energy and cleanse the existent energy. Blessings can also be drawn in plain sight, where they remind us of how potently our home's energy can affect our own. 

A home can appear beautiful, comfortable, and stable while still serving as a dwelling place for negative or otherwise offensive energy. If you care for your home conscientiously and with great care, you will instinctively look beyond the surface qualities of your home when assessing how it feels. Since you actively guard your home against the intrusion of unwelcome energy, you will have the time and vigor necessary to cope with it constructively when should it appear in your midst. The spirit of your spaces will respond to your thoughtful ministrations, nurturing, and supporting you for as long as you choose to reside within her walls.



  1. After reading this, I looked around me and it was SO quiet. I began to imagine my own absence from this space and the energy of the items and arrangements left behind. Then JB coughed and a cop car with its siren blasting went by; the neighbors turned on loud Mexican corridas and somebody's car alarm went off. I landed right back inside the present. So much for silence. But thanks for reminding me that it exists.

    And that one day it will be all that is left of us.

  2. I remember the silence of my grandparents home after their joint funeral. I was grateful for the quiet. I walked into each room alone and soaked up the smells, the memories and the energy. I touched knickknacks, pictures and furniture. I even stopped in their closet and pulled a worn flannel shirt of my Paw Paw's and a soft chenille cardigan of my Grammy's. I took the biggest breaths of my life, hoping and praying to forever cement them in my mind and in my heart. I know I will do the same when I enter your shrine. ♥

  3. When I wrote the post, I did not ... but reading your comments I did ... cry!


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