Spoiler: X - RATED, Love, and Other Developments

In the beginning there was darkness. The knowledge for me did not yet exist, the role models not apparent  But then the signs uncovered themselves: a nod, a smile, a lifted eyebrow, a wink, a tilt of the head, a certain look, the tap of a foot. In the beginning that was how one picked up a "trick," the possibility of a sexual encounter.

With a connection there was always the possibility of going back to his place, but that for me was always scary. So the quick tryst, maybe a hug, maybe a feel, rarely a kiss, and then a speedy orgasm privately in a public place.

Often, older lecherous men would approach and request. Every now and then, when extremely horny, I would allow myself to them. Now, as an older man myself, I wish I had been more generous.

For men it has always been easy to find comfort standing up or leaning against a wall. For you women reading this, or for those of you who never took a risk, you might think this unconscionable. 

But believe me we are all sexual beings and during those early times, for many of us homosexuals, we had no other choice. It was important to give into those callings especially since most of our lives seem to be outside of society's norms of the socially acceptable.

With college it was a little bit easier if only because of the dorm room or the fraternity house but private sex in a public place was still damn convenient. A john, a locker room, a secluded university hall.

For some it was the thrill of getting caught, never for me. For some it was the excitement in showing off in front of others, never for me. For some it was joined by guilt, always for me for a long time.

Instant love I called it. In two ways. It was quick and easy but also many were always looking for that hook up that would last for ever. So one would fall "instantly in love." After a few hours or a day it would be "my boyfriend." After a few days or a week it would be, FOREVER. 

After a few weeks or a month it would be finding an apartment and moving in together. Usually after a few more weeks or a month it would be a break up and the going of separate ways with a lease to fulfill or finding a room mate necessary.

Slowly being a homosexual became being Gay. Life was changing and "Gays" as we became known, were able to live a little more loudly in society's face.

For some reason I was never desperate to find a boyfriend and Robert, my first,  and I dated for a year or two before finding an apartment together and our relationship lasted for 13 years.

We started to splinter when Robert returned to finish his graduate work, rediscovered who he was (or who he wanted to be,) and slowly we grew apart. In this case the "growing apart" was very much like a heterosexual couple's, not like the usual homosexual quick, desperate, too soon decision to move in together.

The times were loose, some say gay people were promiscuous, but most young people who were sexually active, gay or straight, were hopping into bed on a moment's notice for a one night stand after meeting at the bar. Open relationships were common and ménage à trois relationships were common. AIDS had not yet arrived at the local pub.

As Robert and I were falling out of love, he met another man and I met Gregory. We were all in "relationships" with many others. Robert and me, Robert and Bill, Gregory and me, Gregory and Barbara, Gregory and Peter, Barbara and someone who worked for her.

Gregory 's wife of seven years knew he was bi-sexual and had both Peter (who lived in Boston) and I (who lived nearby) as lovers and in the beginning she accepted that. She liked me and I her. Slowly however, now that Gregory and I were falling in love, she became jealous of Gregory's and my relationship and began to pull in the reins. 

For Gregory and me, Peter and Robert became less apparent in our lives and Gregory, always the intelligent, self aware person decided not in favor of Michael vs Barbara, but rather in favor of himself. He said, "I need the love of a man more than I need the love of a woman. I choose myself."

He divorced Barbara. By now Peter and Robert had become good friends not lovers. Both Gregory and I, feeling the need to be cautious, courted for a year before consummating our relationship sexually and then courted another year before moving in together in a committed relationship.

That relationship lasted 41 years and was filled with respect, love, understanding, compassion and even more as we conscientiously worked at keeping our relationship healthy and viable.

Continued communication was our key to strength. "Roles were subject to change on a moments notice" as we liked to say and we grew and changed together side by side as well next to each other in parallel ways.

I had my friends, he had his friends, we had our friends. I had my likes and dislikes, he had his likes and dislikes, and we had our likes and dislikes. We learned to enjoy life together and also independently. We could work together on a project or at times work separately on projects in the same room without disturbing each other. 

Gregory was diagnosed with Dementia, most likely Alzheimer's in 2003. Our relationship and our love grew stronger as we walked the Alzheimer's Path and rode the Dementia Roller Coaster together. 

That journey lasted twelve years until his death on October 4, 2016.

Let me end this brief history here as I explain that these thoughts began during my two week stay in San Francisco. I had visited the city with both Robert and Gregory, at different times, but that was maybe thirty years ago.

I was overwhelmed by the huge number of Gay people around me, with so many older ones like me. I was amazed at the level of seeming comfort and acceptance of each other and the taking for granted of our "condition" or "tendencies" as it used to be called. 

As a seventy year old Gay man I find myself looking back at having had two long term relationships. Both were meaningful but Gregory's and my union was the mature, successful, one great love of my life and I continue to grieve his death. It will get easier, but I will grieve for the rest of my life because true love continues well past "until death do we part." 

It has been interesting sharing the story of our last years together with tens of thousands of people via the documentary ALZHEIMER'S: A Love Story as created with Gabe, Monica, Riani, and Amanda. The documentary has been accepted to over 30 film festivals around the world including the Cannes and the oldest and largest LGBTQ festival, Frameline 40, in San Francisco.

We have won over 15 awards and the accolades continue with the possibility of an interview with The Huffington Post and the acceptance to many more festivals.

The MORE THAN EVER EDUCATION FUND, created in memory of Gregory, is well on its way after a successful first inaugural luncheon which earned over $20,000 after expenses. With the help of some of Gregory's life insurance money, we have been able to begin awarding scholarships now. 

The purpose of the fund is to provide educational opportunities to deserving homeless youth confronting homelessness who otherwise would not have the opportunity to advance themselves. With the bequest to take place after my death, and over the next years, we will continue to work towards creating an endowment which will provide educational scholarships and opportunities for a long time to come.

I don't remember when I got to be so old yet I feel young and energetic. It feels like forever and only like yesterday that this all began. I look forward to the next adventures of my life and will carry Gregory in my heart and mind as I travel this next journey.