Monday, January 2, 2017

I Had To Think About This

This poster showed up on my Facebook page. On first reading it sounded OK but on further analysis, I disagreed with it. I am writing about GRIEF today because at the end of the Christmas / New Year's season, I realized that while I felt "heavy" most of December because Gregory was not spending the holiday at my side, I also realized that my emotions and my grief were not out of control. I wanted to think about why I was not a wreck!

My comment to the friend who posted the poster was: "To be the 'devil's advocate,' I am not sure I agree with love having no place to go. Love always flows, flies, and fulfills even if the place it is delivered and the way it is delivered changes." 

One does grieve strongly when one loves strongly and the love and grief continue forever, maybe getting a little easier to bare but always flaring up when you least expect it! The traditional marriage ceremony says, "Until death do you part." This is not accurate either as even after death the feelings of love, and caring, and supporting continue.

So the tears, the lump, and the hollow are more about the sorrow of missing the deceased person being present physically; for the changes that have taken place in your day to day life now without that person at your side; for the lack of a future of sharing and experiencing together; and for the fears of having to "go it alone" without the support of that person.

But the loves continues to flow and maybe more easily. It flows from you to the deceased and from the deceased to you. One must slow down enough, sit with their emotions enough, and listen closely enough to be able to hear and feel the love flow around and through but it an be done.

So I believe that if the love was strong enough and pure enough, the going it alone isn't really alone and the emotions do not have to overwhelm because the love that existed continues to support you and fear, regret, guilt, etc do not have to be part of the equation. 


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