Last night I had a night Maire. No, not a nightmare, a Night Maire.
I was in bed sleeping. I felt someone come into the room and sit on Gregory's side of the bed. The weight pulled on the blanket. I slowly woke up. Panicked, feeling pinned down.
I felt his arm reach out and touch me and my fear multiplied. I fought to get away, to run. My fear and panic brought on my fight or flight. But I was pinned down and could do neither.
He was strong and I could feel his strength, his corporal girth. And I panicked and feared.
And then I woke up and realized that with my reaction, I had made Gregory leave. He was so real, so in his body, and so with me and I scared him away. I cried and sobbed. I repeated over and over, "Wow! Wow! Wow! as part of my awareness and my crying.
Gigi, my kitty, came to comfort me as she always does when grief overwhelms me.
I apologized to him and heard him apologizing to me. Then he said to me, "No need to apologize," as I said to him, "No need to apologize." And I cried and sobbed because it was so real and I missed the opportunity to really hold him, and feel him, and love him.
So instead, we were able to each other in the spiritual world and cried on each other's shoulder. There was some comfort in this but still I was sad.
Post Script: Gigi continued to help me calm down and before dozing off again, I remembered how Gregory helped his brother and wife, Mark and Diane, name their black cat: Night Maire.